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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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t0phurius

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t0phurius
  • Town/Country : United States of America
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 2 October 1988 (23 years)
  • Number of visits : 393
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About t0phurius : My life really doesn't suck, but i love reading about others' sucky lives. Ha.

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Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML

#4903891 (269)

I agree, your life sucks (8927) - you deserved it (46548)

On 08/29/2009 at 11:13am - love - by coolhand (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML

#2881104 (385)

I agree, your life sucks (23303) - you deserved it (39601)

On 06/14/2009 at 8:46am - misc - by locksmack (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my adorable 8 year old son told me he no longer wanted me to pick him up from school. When I asked why he said. "I told everyone at school my mommy is pretty... and I don't want people to know I lied". FML

#2876647 (186)

I agree, your life sucks (65803) - you deserved it (2676)

On 06/14/2009 at 1:42am - kids - by andthatshowitgoes (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had the closing shift at work in a cafe and there was a man and lady left. I made them coffee and started to close up. When the lady finished her coffee she grabbed my arm and said 'I think that man is masturbating' and leaves in a hurry. I had to wait for him to finish before closing. FML

#2624268 (129)

I agree, your life sucks (50752) - you deserved it (2699)

On 06/05/2009 at 3:43am - intimacy - by MBG (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

#2009053 (704)

I agree, your life sucks (120422) - you deserved it (28803)

On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)

Today, my teacher called me into his office so he that he could pass me some information for my project. Just as he plugged in my thumbdrive, he opened the folder named "School Work". That was the folder name I used to disguise my porn. FML

#1415955 (192)

I agree, your life sucks (18483) - you deserved it (77288)

On 04/28/2009 at 5:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

#761206 (480)

I agree, your life sucks (167936) - you deserved it (51051)

On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I babysat for two little girls, who wanted to play 'mermaids'. I smiled, and said that I would love to play with them. The older girl laughed, saying "You can't be a mermaid. Mermaids are pretty." FML

#614734 (73)

I agree, your life sucks (65236) - you deserved it (3197)

On 03/25/2009 at 11:45pm - kids - by babysitter (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

#527227 (490)

I agree, your life sucks (154497) - you deserved it (18168)

On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I released a noxious, unforgiving fart in my cubicle not thinking anything of it. You know, one of those sulfurous clouds you get the morning after a few good beers. Moments later, my manager walks in to talk about work. It's 7:30 in the morning, no one else is around. FML

#5873 (16)

I agree, your life sucks (5246) - you deserved it (12499)

On 02/03/2009 at 1:42am - work - by BillLumberg (man) - United States (Illinois)