t0phurius

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t0phurius

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 3 October 1988 (27 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 799
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About t0phurius : My life really doesn't suck, but i love reading about others' sucky lives. Ha.

t0phurius's page activity

Visits<b>TheMrJoee</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 8:59pm<b>anmolm97</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 4:34am<b>wackadoodle103</b> - the 07/29/2013 at 5:18pm<b>ch2358</b> - the 08/24/2009 at 8:39pm

t0phurius's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

t0phurius's favorite FMLs

Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML

by coolhand / 08/29/2009 at 11:13am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML

by locksmack / 06/14/2009 at 8:46am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my adorable 8 year old son told me he no longer wanted me to pick him up from school. When I asked why, he said, "I told everyone at school my mommy is pretty... and I don't want people to know I lied." FML

by andthatshowitgoes / 06/14/2009 at 1:42am / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I had the closing shift at work in a cafe and there was a man and lady left. I made them coffee and started to close up. When the lady finished her coffee she grabbed my arm and said 'I think that man is masturbating' and leaves in a hurry. I had to wait for him to finish before closing. FML

by MBG / 06/05/2009 at 3:43am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

by wtfdreams / 05/17/2009 at 8:33am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my teacher called me into his office so he that he could pass me some information for my project. Just as he plugged in my thumbdrive, he opened the folder named "School Work". That was the folder name I used to disguise my porn. FML

by Anonymous / 04/28/2009 at 5:01am / Singapore / Intimacy

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 1:13am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I babysat for two little girls, who wanted to play 'mermaids'. I smiled, and said that I would love to play with them. The older girl laughed, saying "You can't be a mermaid. Mermaids are pretty." FML

by babysitter / 03/25/2009 at 11:45pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

by konens_dick / 03/22/2009 at 6:38am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I released a noxious, unforgiving fart in my cubicle not thinking anything of it. You know, one of those sulfurous clouds you get the morning after a few good beers. Moments later, my manager walks in to talk about work. It's 7:30 in the morning, no one else is around. FML

by BillLumberg / 02/03/2009 at 1:42am / United States (Illinois) / Work