Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (the 02/27/2015 at 6:28am) | Search for a member
About starw0lf : I have been an FML reader (lurker) for a while and decided to make an account just recently.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date mah hateful mother slips laxatives into mah food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML
today thehole family cummd over to celebrate 18th birthday. My grandfather bought me a giant mathematic book. Apparently, he didn't want 16 year old sister to be "jealous", so he got her the new iPad. FML
2day at work , I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant , fifteen-year-old , brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out 4 bieng rude by using words from a "foriegn language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML
today my wife yelled at me fir admitting I take my wedding ring off at work . I explained that I work in a chemistry lab and don't want to damage it . She laughed and said, "Oh please, that chemistry stuff is nonsense anyway." All while reading her horoscope . FML
Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday . To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner . She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "happy birthday" on her Facebook wall . FML
2DAY I WAS CASHIERING AT WALMART,HEN A CUSTOMER PICKD OPEN A COLD-SORE ON HER LIP BEFORE TRYING TO GIVE ME HER MONEY WITH THE SAME HAND. WHEN I FREAKD OUT AN REFUSD TO TAKE HER MONEY, SHE STARTD SCREAMING AN THREATENING TO SUE ME FIR ( VIOLATING THE FRST AMENDMENT. ) FML
Today, I confessd to mah co-worker that I've secretly lovd him fir months!! He laughd hysterically fir about a minute straight before shaking his head and excusing himself from the store!! Even the fact that mah boss frd him fir leaving early isn't cheering me up!! real FML
Today, my over-protective husband went into an extreme fit of jealousy at the sight of me breast-feeding our newborn baby boy. He's trying to make me bottle-fed our boy, because apparently it's "wrong" to let another guy touch my boobs. FML
Yesterday I Confronted My Daughter About The Various Drug-associated Items I Found In Her Room. She Then Confronted Me About Going In Her Room An Invading Her Privacy, To The Pointhere I Forgot The Main Issue An Apologised To Her. I Just Got Outsmarted By A Teenage Pothead.
Today... I foolishly told my husband that I know he's been holding back sexually... and that I was willing to indulge any sexual fantasies he may have. Now it seems that tonight... I'll be responding to the name "Fluttershy". FML
I was talking with mah wife of five years, an I gave her a few hints about wanting kids . After our talk, she lookd at me completely serious an said ( Yeah, yeah, kids are great an all, but can't we just get you a dog? ) FML
Friday 27 March 2015