About starw0lf : I have been an FML reader (lurker) for a while and decided to make an account just recently.
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starw0lf's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 05/21/2013 at 2:31am / United States (Indiana) / Work
by JamiesMom / 05/13/2013 at 12:29am / United States (Michigan) / Animals
Today, at work, I was trying to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It instantly latched to my face and sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing with the animals. FML
by FenRackety / 05/10/2013 at 8:37am / Canada / Animals
by Carrie / 05/08/2013 at 1:41am / United States (California) / Health
Today, my guidance counselor told me that I'll have to join my school's special education needs sector. This is because I can't attend school properly due to chronic issues with severe pain. So much for my 3.9 GPA and being in the top 5% of my class. FML
by Anonymous / 04/30/2013 at 1:55pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/20/2013 at 12:34pm / Thailand / Kids
Today, I was dying my hair a subtly different color. It was only supposed to turn my hair a shade or two lighter, but it seems someone at the store thought it would be funny to switch the dye in the boxes around. My hair is purple. FML
by chrissy2 / 04/15/2013 at 12:17pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by kimhinesvoinea / 04/07/2013 at 8:07am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/03/2013 at 9:32am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love
Today, I went to visit some family out of state for my niece's birthday. I couldn't think of what to get an 8-year-old so I got her a Barbie doll. Everyone else got her money, iPods, game consoles, etc. When she got to mine she asked "how do I turn it on?" Then threw it away when she couldn't. FML
by The_Black_Jesus / 03/31/2013 at 9:32am / United States / Kids
Today, I was on the toilet, when I noticed I could see my daughter dancing in the other room in the mirror, so I took a picture with my phone. After I uploaded it, people pointed out that I was visible in the picture, sitting on the toilet and smiling. FML
by crunknasty / 03/30/2013 at 1:19am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I nervously started a new job, and my co-workers were telling me silly rules about our boss. Later, I accidentally bumped into him, and blurted "Rule #7, don't touch George." He definitely heard. FML
by Anonymous / 03/29/2013 at 12:38am / United States / Work
Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML
by Anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 4:00am / United States (California) / Holidays
Today, my boyfriend found out about my severe phobia of moths. It's so bad that I sometimes pass out. He caught a moth in a jar, and put it on my bedside table. I woke up, saw it, and had a panic attack. He recorded it all and wants to upload it to YouTube. FML
by Anonymous / 03/15/2013 at 2:05pm / United States / Health
Today, my fiancé called me as I was clocking out. I thought he was going to tell me that he was waiting outside. Instead, he told me that he's getting arrested and needs me to call his mom for him. FML
by addie / 03/03/2013 at 3:27am / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my boyfriend's offer to give me "the gift of anal".… Today, I finally told my mom I am a lesbian. She started laughing and said 'Good one honey'. I told… Today, I finally had my tongue piercing heal up so I decided to try oral on my girl. Unfortunately,…