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ssbtoday
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 523
  • Number of comments : 12
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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ssbtoday's favorite FMLs

Today, I actually heard my 14 year old son muse to himself, "If I can drive drunk in Grand Theft Auto, how hard could it be in real life?" FML

#15935332
357 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37509) - you deserved it (11792)

On 04/26/2011 at 3:20pm - kids - by nomorexbox - United States (Georgia)

Today, I lied to my diary about my weight. FML

#15932623
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18849) - you deserved it (43294)

On 04/26/2011 at 9:56am - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I learned the only job that actually wants me is as a peanut butter factory worker. I've been unemployed for 9 months. I'm also allergic to nuts. FML

#15931079
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29272) - you deserved it (3203)

On 04/26/2011 at 3:49am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I witnessed two women in a catfight, ripping clothes off each other. This would have been great if the two women weren't my mom and my grandma. FML

#15917525
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36856) - you deserved it (3773)

On 04/25/2011 at 9:07am - misc - by Danny -

Today, at work my boss told me I have been late, under-productive, and using up a lot of sick days. He says my job is on the line. My reason for barely showing up at work: I've been on maternity leave for 6 weeks. FML

#15917081
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31103) - you deserved it (3130)

On 04/25/2011 at 7:41am - work - by Aginsafa (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After calling her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML

#15893530
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23718) - you deserved it (3578)

On 04/23/2011 at 1:11am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my wife and I were planning our nursery for our future child. She said that we'd be painting it pink either way. I asked what would happen if we had a boy. She said "Oh, he'll be gay" with a menacing glare. I'm worried. FML

#15804993
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37532) - you deserved it (6173)

On 04/16/2011 at 6:59am - misc - by Worried (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML

#15689615
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16064) - you deserved it (71513)

On 04/08/2011 at 1:24am - intimacy - by failure -

Today, my boyfriend's parents visited us. When everyone was chatting in the room, I needed to go to the bathroom. I got up and wanted to walk away when I sneezed, and farted at the same time. I thought they didn't hear it, until my boyfriend's brother said: "That wasn't just a sneeze was it?" FML

#15662595
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27502) - you deserved it (4653)

On 04/06/2011 at 7:47am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML

#15546300
420 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66898) - you deserved it (9318)

On 03/29/2011 at 1:26pm - intimacy - by Johntheladdo (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my parents thought it would be appropriate to tell my girlfriend that I used to stick my penis in a sock puppet and talk to it when I was younger. FML

#15401904
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40811) - you deserved it (8960)

On 03/20/2011 at 4:31pm - intimacy - by HotAsTits (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my boyfriend did the Austin Powers dance/strip-tease while dancing to 'I Touch Myself'. It was cute until he ripped off his shirt and revealed that he'd shaved his chest hair in the shape of a penis. FML

#15261290
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44441) - you deserved it (8553)

On 03/10/2011 at 10:08am - intimacy - by Anon (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was going around saying that she tries to give time off to the other managers so they can spend time with their family and significant others. She looked at me and said she doesn't for me because I have no one special to spend time with. FML

#5577587
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28687) - you deserved it (2257)

On 10/01/2009 at 12:05am - work - by bm128902 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was helping my brother clean his room. While putting clothes away, I found a box of thongs. They were mine. FML

#4523037
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48070) - you deserved it (3165)

On 08/14/2009 at 10:09am - misc - by haha247 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at the mall with some friends. In the food court we passed by this creepy pervert feeling up a woman. I take a closer look and realize with horror that the guy is my dad in sunglasses and a hat. The lady he was with was not my mom. FML

#2984635
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73022) - you deserved it (2600)

On 06/18/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by traumatized (woman) - United States



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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