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spaerro's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 10/23/2010 at 5:07am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/21/2010 at 9:03pm / Miscellaneous
Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2010 at 9:42am / Reserved / Work
Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 9:20am / Spain (Asturias) / Intimacy
Today, I passed a car, and heard a baby crying in the back seat. It was hot and no one was around. All the doors were locked so I broke it with a rock, cutting my arm and setting the alarm off. Only to find out that it was a realistic baby doll. I have to get 7 stitches and pay for the window. FML
by Anonymous / 10/09/2010 at 7:32pm / Antigua and Barbuda (Saint John) / Transportation
Today, I quit my job as a barista for one of our competitors with a couple of bucks more an hour. Two hours after I'd handed in my resignation, my boss approached me just to let me know that if I hadn't resigned, I would've been offered my own café. FML
by thecasbah / 10/06/2010 at 9:58am / Norway (Oslo) / Work
by uselessdad / 09/07/2010 at 7:48pm / Singapore / Kids
Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend changing. She responded by screaming, throwing herself on the ground to avoid me seeing her, and crawling into the bathroom. We've been living together for 2 months. FML
by drew / 09/07/2010 at 1:06pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, I went with my family to go see a notoriously creepy abandoned house. We noticed the people had left a lot of stuff behind so we loaded up the car with books, records, etc. As we were leaving, we saw the family who lived there drive up. I robbed a house with my grandma. FML
by tikizombie / 08/30/2010 at 8:04pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex in a rarely used room at school. We got carried away and found ourselves locked in. We slept there overnight. We woke up when the cleaning lady found us the next morning and were greeted by worried parents and school staff. FML
by Eeeek / 08/26/2010 at 5:17pm / Bulgaria (Varna) / Intimacy
Today, I went shopping with my Mom. I ran into my crush. A school dance is soon and he WAS just about to ask something but my mom glanced over and yelled "TAMPONS OR PADS, SWEETIE?!" He then changed his question to "Haha, so which?" And before I could say a word, my mother answered for me. FML
by Anonymous / 08/23/2010 at 2:21am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I wanted to punish a student for being late. I decided to start a pop quiz before he arrived. I was positive there wasn't enough time for him to finish. He scored full marks and I couldn't say a word. FML
by K_M / 08/23/2010 at 12:18am / Malaysia (Selangor) / Kids
Today, while at work, I started to feel sick to my stomach, hot, and dizzy. My co-worker told me to go home. On the way through the locker room to get my stuff, I experienced a dizzy spell so severe, I blacked out and pooped myself. No one in the building is going to let me forget this. FML
by Anonymous / 08/20/2010 at 2:40pm / United States (Florida) / Health
Today, I was on my third date with this really cute girl. After a very romantic evening, I decided to go for the first kiss, but because of my nervous reflex in which I get bloody noses, I ended up bleeding all over her face. FML
by Anonymous / 08/17/2010 at 3:10am / United States (Utah) / Love