About sjlovey : descriptions are for losers. why would I want someone that I don't know reading about me?
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sjlovey's favorite FMLs
Today, I thought it would be really hot to watch porn while my girlfriend and I were having sex. I got so hot and aroused that I came before the previews even ended. That was less than one minute. FML
by waitforit / 04/23/2009 at 7:42am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by fartmaster / 04/22/2009 at 3:10pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was relaxing alone at a bar when I was approached by the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen. She was too good to be true, so I asked, "Is this some kind of a prank?" She immediately turned around and left. She thought I was calling her ugly. I'll never see her again. FML
by Anonymous / 04/17/2009 at 2:29am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, I was in a hurry to get to work. I pulled impatiently behind a long line of cars to make a right hand turn. I sat there for 5 minutes. Turns out there wasn't a line to make a right hand turn. I had been waiting behind a line of parked cars. FML
by Anonymous / 04/09/2009 at 4:46pm / United States (California) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 03/29/2009 at 3:08pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was on a first date with a girl at the movies. Trying to be polite, I held in a fart until an intense, loud action scene came on. As soon as I let go, the scene went silent and my fart was clearly heard to everyone in the movie theatre. My date went to the bathroom. She didn't come back. FML
by Anonymous / 03/28/2009 at 2:50pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, my friend and i thought it would be funny if we could both fit into her big sweatpants. When we tried to take a step, she fell on top of me. She started peeing uncontrollably. We had to cut ourselves out of the sweatpants. FML
by emilyxoxoxo / 03/21/2009 at 12:11pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
by ScoobieDoo / 03/20/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, when I was at the gynecologist my dr told me that I was really tense and the exam would be impossible if I didnt relax. So I started thinking about my boyfriend to relax and my mind went back to our last sex session. I started getting wet. FML
by Anonymous / 03/19/2009 at 3:10pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
by Noname / 03/12/2009 at 7:24am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Intimacy
Today, I fell asleep in the car on a 10+ hour trip with my family as soon as we got on the highway. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd had a wet dream. I had to sit next to my grandma with semen all over my thighs and boxers for the rest of the trip. FML
by MoneyMike / 03/11/2009 at 8:30pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Anonn / 02/23/2009 at 8:14am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, I got a few notes from this girl I like at school for 2 years telling me she feels the same way. My dad knocks on the door and I panic and say "Hold on!". I shoved them under my pillow then told him to come in. He said "Son, it's perfectly normal to masturbate." FML
by Misunderstood / 02/08/2009 at 12:35am / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Love
Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML
by achtung / 02/01/2009 at 6:57pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML
by frankrizzo / 02/01/2009 at 12:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous