![[fr]](http://cdn4.fmylife.com/fmylife/images/flag_fr_hover.gif)
![[it]](http://cdn1.fmylife.com/fmylife/images/flag_it_hover.gif)
![[es2]](http://cdn5.fmylife.com/fmylife/images/flag_es2_hover.gif)
![[tr]](http://cdn3.fmylife.com/fmylife/images/flag_tr_hover.gif)
![[de]](http://cdn4.fmylife.com/fmylife/images/flag_de_hover.gif)
![[ru]](http://cdn2.fmylife.com/fmylife/images/flag_ru_hover.gif)
![[se]](http://cdn2.fmylife.com/fmylife/images/flag_se_hover.gif)
This member hasn't filled in the description.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I accidentally told my mom to ejaculate the flash drive from the PC. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3782) - you deserved it (5092)
Today, I got circumcised by my girlfriend's braces. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14784) - you deserved it (2210)
On 12/31/2011 at 4:21am - intimacy - by nickthetank (man) - Canada (Saskatchewan)
Today, as a support worker, I spent 45 minutes making various attempts to calm a violent autistic kid. Just as soon as I was sure the crisis was over, he beat me as hard as he could with the "Things I Can Do When I'm Mad" book I'd given him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17293) - you deserved it (2196)
On 11/14/2011 at 8:37am - work - by metallifreak44 - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4053) - you deserved it (8422)
On 11/13/2011 at 7:11pm - misc - by ThatHurts (man) - Canada
Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what a real man can do to you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (47746) - you deserved it (2997)
On 11/03/2011 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30090) - you deserved it (16042)
On 10/30/2011 at 1:31am - intimacy - by Korisite - United States
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh I had an itch..." FML
I agree, your life sucks (12661) - you deserved it (20534)
On 10/29/2011 at 12:43am - intimacy - by me - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21706) - you deserved it (11990)
On 10/28/2011 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, my boss made me run yet another stupid errand. When I delivered the paperwork to his office, I saw an email printout on his desk. Apparently, he has a plan in the works to get me FRIED next month. I'm not sure whether to give him a letter of resignation or a bottle of barbecue sauce. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16946) - you deserved it (1591)
On 10/27/2011 at 12:15pm - work - by last literate - Canada (Saskatchewan)
Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10039) - you deserved it (2352)
On 10/27/2011 at 8:22am - intimacy - by ifeeldirty (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31655) - you deserved it (3731)
On 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18769) - you deserved it (4225)
On 09/30/2011 at 10:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32326) - you deserved it (2513)
On 09/27/2011 at 3:53pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14561) - you deserved it (29845)
On 09/26/2011 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by BigBananaLover - United States (California)
Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27522) - you deserved it (3367)
On 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm - intimacy - by IbetIgotAIDS (man) - United States (Kentucky)
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
