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yesterday I purchasd an app to track mah period . When mah mother askd mehy I got it.. . I told her I was going to use it so I knewhen to not go on a date because I don't want to be uncomfortable during a long movie . She slappd me in the face and calld me a drty prostitute and a liar . FML
Today, I painted a kids room at mah new nanny jobhile the dad "helped" by staring at mah ass and telling me how hard it is to position yur "junk" correctlyhen wereing a speedo. First day on the job. big fat FML
2day I told my boyfriend I was leaving him because he's cheating on me . He then told me he will die without me . When looool I said that I didn't care, he said 'OK . I'll kill myself!' an then held his breath in attempt to suffocate himself . I can't believe I datd this idiot . FML
Yesterday, I discoverd I have dandruff, which I never had before. I googld the possible reasons an those r depression an hormones. Not only have I not had sex for a year, but it's also the reason I have dandruff. And apparently I'm depressd. How sexy is that? FML
Today, after we'd let an author rent out our cabin, we read in the book of poems he wrotehile staying that he'd described how he enjoyed sitting on our table naked . The same table we often eat off . fat FML
Today, I overhered my parents in the kitchen talking about how they wanted to try anal tonight . There is over three and a half looool feet of snow outside, leaving me no way to escape the horrible sounds and mental images yet to come . FML
Yesterday... I found outhy my cell phone has been going missing every night for the last few months. My sister has been "borrowing" it so she can hold it against her crotch and repeatedly push the vibrate button.
Today,hile having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible thathen I bend over backwards, the backs of knees can touch shoulders. My boyfriend looool is now extremely jealou and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML
Friday 27 March 2015