simpsonize2019

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simpsonize2019

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2071
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Visits<b>Hobbit79</b> - the 06/19/2013 at 12:15am<b>Sammitheshit</b> - the 02/05/2013 at 9:22pm<b>flupsht</b> - the 01/31/2013 at 4:04am

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simpsonize2019's favorite FMLs

Today, I purchased an app to track my period. When my mother asked me why I got it, I told her I was going to use it so I knew when to not go on a date because I don't want to be uncomfortable during a long movie. She slapped me in the face and called me a dirty prostitute and a liar. FML

by stillAvirgin:( / 06/19/2011 at 9:46pm / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend said to me, "You know how I know I love you? I don't want you to leave after we have sex." He thinks that's a compliment. FML

by Anonymous / 04/21/2011 at 9:47am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, I painted a kids room at my new nanny job while the dad "helped" by staring at my ass and telling me how hard it is to position your "junk" correctly when wearing a speedo. First day on the job. FML

by Anonymous / 04/20/2011 at 9:39pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I tried to get my wife to have sex with me, she told me she couldn't because she had her period. She's two months pregnant. FML

by Andrew / 04/20/2011 at 12:31pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's house. I had a shower while he went downstairs. As I went to say goodbye to him, his mother muttered "slut" while pouring him orange juice. FML

by sllaggy / 04/18/2011 at 5:34am / Intimacy

Today, I told my boyfriend I was leaving him because he's cheating on me. He then told me he will die without me. When I said that I didn't care, he said 'OK. I'll kill myself!' and then held his breath in attempt to suffocate himself. I can't believe I dated this idiot. FML

by WhyMe? / 03/01/2011 at 8:24am / Intimacy

Today, I paid €100 to have a tube shoved down my genitals. FML

by regretter / 02/28/2011 at 8:07pm / Intimacy

Today, I discovered I have dandruff, which I never had before. I googled the possible reasons and those are depression and hormones. Not only have I not had sex for a year, but it's also the reason I have dandruff. And apparently I'm depressed. How sexy is that? FML

by icareaboutmyhair / 02/28/2011 at 10:27am / Estonia (Harjumaa) / Intimacy

Today, after we'd let an author rent out our cabin, we read in the book of poems he wrote while staying that he'd described how he enjoyed sitting on our table naked. The same table we often eat off. FML

by Username / 02/28/2011 at 12:44am / Intimacy

Today, I found out the hard way that you can get carpal tunnel from masturbating. FML

by Nuttjacob / 02/27/2011 at 8:36pm / United States (Vermont) / Intimacy

Today, I overheard my parents in the kitchen talking about how they wanted to try anal tonight. There is over three and a half feet of snow outside, leaving me no way to escape the horrible sounds and mental images yet to come. FML

by Sam / 02/27/2011 at 4:42pm / United States (Wyoming) / Intimacy

Today, I married a wonderful man. Even though both of us were no longer virgins, we decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. He just told me I was the worst he's ever had. FML

by newlywed / 02/27/2011 at 12:18am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, I found out why my cell phone has been going missing every night for the last few months. My sister has been "borrowing" it so she can hold it against her crotch and repeatedly push the vibrate button. FML

by Anonymous / 02/26/2011 at 3:19pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV when we started kissing. As I crawled onto his lap and started to unzip his pants, he said, "You're blocking the TV." FML

by unwantedlove / 02/25/2011 at 1:36pm / France / Intimacy

Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that when I bend over backwards, the backs of my knees can touch my shoulders. My boyfriend is now extremely jealous and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML

by inder / 02/25/2011 at 11:03am / United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent) / Intimacy