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simpsonize2019

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simpsonize2019
  • Town/Country : Canada
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 575
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Today, I was browsing the web when I checked the search history. Turns out my son has been searching for "nude grills" and "hot grills." Not only is my 12-year-old son attempting to find porn on the internet, he also can't spell. FML

#17281952
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35433) - you deserved it (5398)

On 07/27/2011 at 10:02pm - intimacy - by Nickname (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my 8 year old son cut his own hair. He did a better job than I ever did. I'm a hairdresser. FML

#17279085
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13720) - you deserved it (26297)

On 07/27/2011 at 12:35pm - kids - by buiuuum - United States (Michigan)

Today, I sneezed so violently that my tampon came out. FML

#17227905
364 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56997) - you deserved it (6812)

On 07/23/2011 at 9:06am - intimacy - by Sarah - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina looks like an old man in a hat. It's OK though, he said it was a nice hat. FML

#17187875
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35760) - you deserved it (5026)

On 07/20/2011 at 5:17am - intimacy - by growlr - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is cheating on me when she was arrested for having sex in public. Not with me though. FML

#17173696
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35751) - you deserved it (2815)

On 07/19/2011 at 3:40am - intimacy - by ken - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she thought I was cheating on her. With my own sister. FML

#17153294
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42238) - you deserved it (3754)

On 07/17/2011 at 8:04pm - intimacy - by Cinnamon (man) - Jamaica (Saint Andrew)

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

#17129735
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30392) - you deserved it (15311)

On 07/16/2011 at 12:10am - intimacy - by McKenna - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I came home to my mom dancing the hustle naked. With a group of 4 friends. FML

#17117147
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33855) - you deserved it (3127)

On 07/15/2011 at 2:25am - intimacy - by SCREWED (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blow job for the first time. He posted it on Facebook and can't understand why I'm angry with him. FML

#17115865
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40584) - you deserved it (8956)

On 07/15/2011 at 12:53am - intimacy - by krissy8799 - United States (Tennessee)

Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML

#17109043
424 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29012) - you deserved it (86338)

On 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by gir - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend fingered me. He never cuts his nails. It felt like I was getting intimate with Wolverine. FML

#17107547
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41957) - you deserved it (10569)

On 07/14/2011 at 12:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, as I passed my fiancé the pancakes I had just made, he vocalised his happiness with a groan that was EXACTLY like the one he makes when we have sex. So on a sexiness rating, I'm a pancake. FML

#16830910
351 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32118) - you deserved it (9319)

On 06/24/2011 at 6:45am - intimacy - by Eve (woman) - Ireland (Cork)

Today, I was complimented on how big my penis was. I was complimented by the guy peeing next to me in the men's restroom at McDonald's. FML

#16794914
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44043) - you deserved it (6900)

On 06/22/2011 at 4:13am - intimacy - by fmlguy382 - United States

Today, I had to pick my parents up from jail. They thought it would be okay to have sex behind a bush. FML

#16761961
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44344) - you deserved it (3683)

On 06/20/2011 at 11:57am - intimacy - by Username - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my wife isn't cheating. She says she's just getting older and sex isn't important anymore. She's 27. FML

#16758586
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37249) - you deserved it (3526)

On 06/20/2011 at 3:43am - intimacy - by wtf - Canada (Alberta)



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