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simpsonize2019

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simpsonize2019

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 751
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Visits<b>Hobbit79</b> - the 06/19/2013 at 12:15am<b>Sammitheshit</b> - the 02/05/2013 at 9:22pm<b>flupsht</b> - the 01/31/2013 at 4:04am

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Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML

#17365411
426 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13853) - you deserved it (56786)

On 08/04/2011 at 9:41am - kids - by makeitstop (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was caught whacking off by my mother. She now takes every free moment of her time to read extracts from the Bible to me. FML

#17362990
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32561) - you deserved it (11421)

On 08/04/2011 at 2:00am - intimacy - by laughingflame - United States (Illinois)

Today, while stuck in traffic on the highway, my 5 year old in the back seat asked me why the man in the car next to us was pulling on the other man's "peepee". FML

#17361677
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43533) - you deserved it (2764)

On 08/04/2011 at 12:04am - intimacy - by whatnot - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took my 8 month-old to the Urgent Care due to extreme constipation. I spent $25 for my son to poop on me the second the doctor had me remove his diaper. FML

#17360592
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24491) - you deserved it (3736)

On 08/03/2011 at 10:43pm - kids - by CrappyLuck - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my son learned how to use the toilet for the first time. He was so excited he started peeing on the floor. FML

#17355075
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25988) - you deserved it (2716)

On 08/03/2011 at 12:46pm - kids - by doomeddaddy - United States (Ohio)

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

#17338982
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43398) - you deserved it (14499)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:58am - kids - by ohcrap - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML

#17338945
333 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51111) - you deserved it (9830)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:52am - intimacy - by INside (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my daughter somehow got a hold of the lighter we keep on top of the fridge. I found this out when she snuck up behind me and thought it would be fun to set my hair on fire. FML

#17326829
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27929) - you deserved it (5182)

On 08/01/2011 at 12:28am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was feeling a little naughty, so I put on a sexy outfit, laid down on the hood of my boyfriend's car, and waited for him to find me. When he came into the garage and saw me, he freaked out and bitched at me, because I "could have dented the chassis". FML

#17322871
420 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33172) - you deserved it (14568)

On 07/31/2011 at 6:19pm - intimacy - by username (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend's mother walked in on us having sex. He started crying and ran into the bathroom where my clothes were located, leaving me to deal with his mother. Naked. FML

#17313020
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39669) - you deserved it (7517)

On 07/30/2011 at 8:45pm - intimacy - by cutiekenz21 - United States (Oregon)

Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML

#17304859
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34668) - you deserved it (2713)

On 07/30/2011 at 1:15am - kids - by NaomiMadison - United States

Today, while having sex, my boyfriend decided to sing the Star Wars theme song as he entered his penis into me. FML

#17304826
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37517) - you deserved it (9707)

On 07/30/2011 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Taylor - United States (Texas)

Today, my 17 year old asked me whether to chew or swallow grapes. I raised this dumbass. FML

#17302566
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28234) - you deserved it (17041)

On 07/29/2011 at 10:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, my younger brother and I got into a fight over who the favorite child is. My mom overheard, came in the living room and said, "It's your little brother, now shut up." She was serious. FML

#17301122
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34864) - you deserved it (6548)

On 07/29/2011 at 7:36pm - kids - by Username - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that after he gets off work, he can find me in his room wearing something sexy. He responded with, "Please don't touch anything." FML

#17299203
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30332) - you deserved it (4827)

On 07/29/2011 at 3:56pm - intimacy - by Elizabeth (woman) - United States (Florida)



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