simpsonize2019

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simpsonize2019

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2108
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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simpsonize2019's page activity

Visits<b>Hobbit79</b> - the 06/19/2013 at 12:15am<b>Sammitheshit</b> - the 02/05/2013 at 9:22pm<b>flupsht</b> - the 01/31/2013 at 4:04am

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simpsonize2019's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend told me about this guy who makes balloon animals with his penis. My boyfriend has spent the last 4 hours trying to make his penis look like a pretzel. FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2011 at 10:29am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered the reason my favorite stick of deodorant hasn't smelled right for the past two weeks. My dad uses it on his butt crack and balls "to clean up the stank". FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2011 at 3:16am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my son had sold his house key to one of his friends for half a packet of gum. Now there is someone out there who I have never met with full access to my house. My son is 16. FML

by Jilly / 08/08/2011 at 2:45am / Australia / Kids

Today, while zooming down the interstate, I had to tell my husband to put his penis away. FML

by Wife / 08/07/2011 at 8:02pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I took my clothes off in front of my girlfriend for the first time. She made a weird face for a moment, then burst into laughter. She couldn't stop laughing, no matter how hard she tried. FML

by Eddie / 08/07/2011 at 3:43pm / Israel (HaMerkaz) / Intimacy

Today, after being kept awake all night by my house-mate and his girlfriend, they woke me at the crack of dawn to apologize for being so loud. FML

by Username / 08/07/2011 at 4:08am / Reserved / Intimacy

Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML

by Anonymous / 08/06/2011 at 9:40pm / United States / Kids

Today, my eight year old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mind-fucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML

by Anonymous / 08/06/2011 at 7:37pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, in one fell swoop, my testicles and spirits were simultaneously crushed into submission by the girl I like. FML

by Anonymous / 08/06/2011 at 5:34pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I had to tell my teenage son that no, his knowledge of the English language was not passed down to him genetically. FML

by Tabby / 08/06/2011 at 4:39pm / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, my boyfriend showed me his penis for the first time. All I could think to say was, "That's a clean circumcision." FML

by plantfood / 08/06/2011 at 2:35am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2011 at 9:47pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML

by moonstone15 / 08/05/2011 at 8:24pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend admitted that on his last visit, he snuck into the laundry and stole a lacy black thong he assumed was mine. It wasn't. It was my dad's. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2011 at 6:57pm / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Intimacy

Today, my roommate demanded that I dance naked for him as a birthday present. When I declined, he offered to pay me. When I declined again, he stormed off to pout in his room and played really loud depressing music. We're both guys and I have 11 months left on my lease with him. FML

by Creeped_out_n_stuck / 08/05/2011 at 12:46am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy