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simpsonize2019

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simpsonize2019

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 785
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Visits<b>Hobbit79</b> - the 06/19/2013 at 12:15am<b>Sammitheshit</b> - the 02/05/2013 at 9:22pm<b>flupsht</b> - the 01/31/2013 at 4:04am

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Today, I was teasing my 12 year old little cousin about him liking my best friend. I guess it made him mad because he yelled "Breast cancer!" at the top of his lungs before power-punching my right boob. FML

#17457165
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17784) - you deserved it (32145)

On 08/13/2011 at 2:51am - kids - by brittbrat4 - United States (Florida)

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML

#17453333
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40021) - you deserved it (4169)

On 08/12/2011 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by -_- - United States

Today, my roommate and I got into an argument. He told me he understood if I didn't forgive him "for a couple of days." He'd confessed to undressing my girlfriend in her sleep. FML

#17447904
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36127) - you deserved it (2654)

On 08/12/2011 at 3:54am - intimacy - by James (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, telling him how much I loved him. His answer? "Less lovin' more humpin'." This happens every single time. FML

#17447150
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23848) - you deserved it (27426)

On 08/12/2011 at 2:14am - intimacy - by fml - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend found out that if guys eat fruit often, their sperm will taste better. He bought a can of fruit for himself to eat, and said that he bought it just for me. This is the most romantic thing he's ever done. FML

#17446772
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36341) - you deserved it (7126)

On 08/12/2011 at 1:33am - intimacy - by Pissedoff777 - United States (Arizona)

Today, I finally figured out why my mechanic was so cheap; he wanted to sleep with me. After I politely declined, he charged me regular price plus extra for "humiliating" him. He's 60. I just recently turned 18. FML

#17444055
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37329) - you deserved it (2880)

On 08/11/2011 at 8:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, no matter how much I begged, my friend who'd locked himself away with my iPhone wouldn't stop taking pics of his penis and forwarding them to my boss. FML

#17438897
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46647) - you deserved it (4855)

On 08/11/2011 at 8:56am - intimacy - by bob - United States (Texas)

Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML

#17436824
401 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11705) - you deserved it (51187)

On 08/11/2011 at 1:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, I zoned out in a coffee shop for about two minutes and was brought back to reality when a woman smacked me out of my seat. Apparently I was staring at her chest while zoned out. FML

#17436721
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27975) - you deserved it (6503)

On 08/11/2011 at 1:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alaska)

Today, I got into a fight with my boyfriend. The only thing he could think of to cheer me up was to give me "permission" to give him a blowjob. FML

#17429477
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33955) - you deserved it (6477)

On 08/10/2011 at 1:47pm - intimacy - by noway - Singapore

Today, I was asked how far I've gone with a guy. My answer? Eye contact. I'm 19. FML

#17420241
302 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35402) - you deserved it (7438)

On 08/09/2011 at 5:21pm - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, at work in a liquor store, a man came in to demand a refund because after he "drank the whole bottle of Jack" he "couldn't get it up" for his wife. He thought that alcohol was supposed to be an aphrodisiac, and blamed me personally for his "whiskey dick". FML

#17415009
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31091) - you deserved it (2674)

On 08/09/2011 at 2:24am - intimacy - by OyGeeze28 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I finally noticed that my wife only shaves her bush when she goes on "business trips." FML

#17414090
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54632) - you deserved it (4593)

On 08/09/2011 at 12:59am - intimacy - by ksmith - United States (Ohio)

Today, I discovered that if I work out, I can't get an erection, but if I don't work out, my penis functions fine. This wouldn't be such a problem if I wasn't a professional bodybuilder. FML

#17410758
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31037) - you deserved it (12148)

On 08/08/2011 at 8:03pm - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, while walking in the city with my little sister, she let go of my hand. Not wanting to lose her, I quickly tried to grab it back. That resulted in me grabbing some 50 year old man's junk. FML

#17408229
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34908) - you deserved it (5890)

On 08/08/2011 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by Sharee K. - United States (New Jersey)



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