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simpsonize2019

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simpsonize2019

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 795
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Visits<b>Hobbit79</b> - the 06/19/2013 at 12:15am<b>Sammitheshit</b> - the 02/05/2013 at 9:22pm<b>flupsht</b> - the 01/31/2013 at 4:04am

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simpsonize2019's favorite FMLs

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been seeing. It took him longer to put the condom on than it did to finish. FML

#17734043
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32586) - you deserved it (4201)

On 09/13/2011 at 1:51am - intimacy - by stillkindahorny - United States

Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML

#17727595
393 comments

I agree, your life sucks (85316) - you deserved it (13084)

On 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm - intimacy - by IbetIgotAIDS (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I got bored and decided to visit a porn site. I typed in the address and hit enter. A split second later, I realized I wasn't typing into the browser address bar, but in a chat window on my other screen. I'd been chatting with a girl I wanted to get with at the time. FML

#17719852
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13182) - you deserved it (59189)

On 09/11/2011 at 1:53pm - intimacy - by Extended_desktop (man) - Poland

Today, my report card finally came in. My mom took one look at it and told me that if I'm not going to take my grades seriously, I might as well start looking for a sugar daddy. But first, I apparently need to work on prettying myself up. FML

#17644217
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22088) - you deserved it (7870)

On 09/02/2011 at 12:58pm - misc - by tryingtobepretty101 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I came in to work looking very tan. I took Friday off to go to a friend's funeral, which was outdoors, and I tan very easily. Now my boss and everyone else thinks I lied about my friend's death to get off work on a Friday. FML

#17549181
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30434) - you deserved it (2695)

On 08/22/2011 at 4:34pm - work - by waytootan (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

#17548776
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19985) - you deserved it (41677)

On 08/22/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, it was my birthday, and my kids gave me my car keys I had "lost" a week ago. FML

#17547713
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28413) - you deserved it (2884)

On 08/22/2011 at 12:46pm - kids - by rene - United States (Texas)

Today, I married the man of my dreams. At the after-party, my psycho grandma stood up, called for quiet, and engaged in a long rant about how this was "the beginning of the end" and advising everyone that the secret to a successful marriage is "cheating, plain and simple". FML

#17539435
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29754) - you deserved it (2723)

On 08/21/2011 at 4:18pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my girlfriend came over to stay the night. Before she arrived, I popped a viagra to spice things up. She then informed me that she was on her period and didn't feel comfortable doing it. I had a headache and a massive boner all night. FML

#17538243
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12441) - you deserved it (41631)

On 08/21/2011 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by RohnAbheek - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML

#17536285
471 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58096) - you deserved it (7177)

On 08/21/2011 at 5:59am - intimacy - by Username - United States (Ohio)

Today, I finally lost my virginity. In my boyfriend's racecar bed. FML

#17534409
308 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28663) - you deserved it (37674)

On 08/21/2011 at 12:54am - intimacy - by Emily - United States (New York)

Today, my 4 year old asked to go outside and play in the sprinkler. I told him not right now because I was busy and he's too little to play outside by himself. I came out of the laundry room later to find he'd brought the sprinkler in the house and turned the water on. At least he listened. FML

#17528012
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30180) - you deserved it (7926)

On 08/20/2011 at 10:08am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, the girl of my dreams that I've been dating for months called me. Apparently she's been having recurring nightmares of me cheating on her. She dumped me "just in case." FML

#17527227
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31903) - you deserved it (2307)

On 08/20/2011 at 5:20am - love - by Username - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that instead of being stationed in Afghanistan, my husband of 9 years has been "stationed" at his other girlfriend's house. FML

#17526704
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60265) - you deserved it (3466)

On 08/20/2011 at 3:26am - love - by AlwaysGottaFML - United States (North Carolina)

Today, during our wedding, my wife tried to dodge The Kiss. FML

#17525336
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50571) - you deserved it (3670)

On 08/20/2011 at 12:41am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)



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