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simpsonize2019

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simpsonize2019

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 875
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About simpsonize2019 : Message me✌

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Visits<b>Hobbit79</b> - the 06/19/2013 at 12:15am<b>Sammitheshit</b> - the 02/05/2013 at 9:22pm<b>flupsht</b> - the 01/31/2013 at 4:04am

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simpsonize2019's favorite FMLs

Today, I accidentally moaned my own name during sex. FML

#18703291
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31781) - you deserved it (27445)

On 01/04/2012 at 1:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, since I was taking a dump in my wife's parents' house, I lit a candle so that it wouldn't stink. While still sitting down, I went to blow it out and apparently, no matter how strong of a man you are, you will still scream like a little girl if hot wax falls on your penis. FML

#17981787
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33869) - you deserved it (11061)

On 10/14/2011 at 11:23am - intimacy - by cduran2011 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML

#17919622
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38898) - you deserved it (10024)

On 10/06/2011 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I learned that my mother might not live much longer. My boyfriend, instead of showing compassion asked me, "We're still having video chat sex, right?" FML

#17914334
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38767) - you deserved it (4112)

On 10/05/2011 at 8:55pm - intimacy - by Forever sad (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML

#17906295
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36212) - you deserved it (10978)

On 10/04/2011 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, I showed my boyfriend a calendar, marked with the number of times we've had sex over the past month. Then followed by a calendar of the month before, which had almost triple the number of hits. I had to point out that our stats need to improve. FML

#17901897
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23682) - you deserved it (17075)

On 10/04/2011 at 3:04am - intimacy - by friskeyk14 - United States (California)

Today, my 20 year old daughter started ranting to me about her latest boyfriend's erectile problems. Trying to be a good dad, I told her all I knew about how to get the boy fixed. My wife decided to stick her head in and say, "Listen to your dad, hun. He knows all about this kind of thing." FML

#17897207
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31746) - you deserved it (5050)

On 10/03/2011 at 5:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me for the first time. He stopped just as I was about to orgasm, and asked if I could finish by myself. Apparently he'd come up with a new algorithm for the Rubik's Cube on my desk and wanted to try it out. FML

#17892959
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36801) - you deserved it (4125)

On 10/03/2011 at 12:38am - intimacy - by Kayt (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML

#17889582
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33997) - you deserved it (4300)

On 10/02/2011 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by rufusthepenis - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, I realized that it has been so long since my wife and I were intimate that I got slightly turned on watching her suck the meat off chicken wings. I'm jealous of fried, sauce-soaked poultry. FML

#17884041
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33291) - you deserved it (4540)

On 10/02/2011 at 2:05am - intimacy - by therevsev - United States

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML

#17880810
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39412) - you deserved it (5084)

On 10/01/2011 at 7:30pm - intimacy - by Patricia - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized that due to my anti-depressants, I can no longer orgasm. At. All. Which depresses me more. FML

#17861962
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37021) - you deserved it (4427)

On 09/29/2011 at 5:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was called a pervert. On a phone sex line. FML

#17857316
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16559) - you deserved it (51088)

On 09/28/2011 at 6:16pm - intimacy - by Hypocrisy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom instructed me to never scream when being attacked by a rapist. Apparently it would only anger him, causing him to chop my boobs off and superglue my eyes shut. FML

#17853519
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35970) - you deserved it (2898)

On 09/28/2011 at 2:47am - intimacy - by Sabraynay -

Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML

#17852902
316 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26694) - you deserved it (7982)

On 09/28/2011 at 12:55am - intimacy - by confused (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



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