About shugacube : Most of these fmls I would like to hear the other side to the story or more of it. Especially the outcome. Also show me a picture of the person who's writing the post. That would make this awesome!
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shugacube's favorite FMLs
Today, at work, some little girl went in the bathroom for quite a while. Came out for two minutes and went back in. She then came out with her finger clutched in a paper towel. One of the other coworkers went in to check the bathroom. The little girl wrote "Hi!" with her own poop. FML
by RunningMurphy / 05/15/2009 at 3:20am / United States (Minnesota) / Work
Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML
by Anonymous / 05/14/2009 at 1:43pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML
by Flicker / 05/14/2009 at 3:23am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was accepted to Harvard's law program. Prestigious right? After hearing the good news the only thing my parents talked about over dinner was who they wanted to win American Idol: Adam, Kris or Danny. FML
by NoComparison / 05/13/2009 at 8:59pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, while teaching English in Korea, my boss gave me a birthday present from her and all of my co-workers. It was a really fancy box. It had very nice wrapping. It had a pretty bow. It was kind of heavy. It was 6 bottles of dandruff shampoo. FML
by eslteacher / 05/13/2009 at 12:39am / Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi) / Work
by Anonymous / 05/12/2009 at 4:58pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, not wanting to be known as a lightweight anymore, I started drinking with some guy friends. After one beer I ended up in bed with one of them who kindly put my bra back on for me after, as I was too sloshed. I'm no longer known as lightweight, but instead, the slutty drunk. FML
by Permafucked / 05/12/2009 at 10:23am / United States (South Dakota) / Love
Today, I was taking a bath and needed shampoo. I leaned on the soap holder to get some and it came off the wall. Huge ants started pouring out running up the walls, down the walls, EVERYWHERE. I ran out of the bathroom screaming, completely naked. FML
by Karmas3itch / 05/12/2009 at 12:19am / United States (Ohio) / Animals
Today, I was babysitting a really bratty little girl. She came and cuddled up on the couch so I took it as an apology. I feel asleep while she was sitting with me and when I woke up she had peed on me. She locked herself in her room and was laughing about peeing on me for discipling her. FML
by Anonymous / 05/11/2009 at 11:43pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids
by catlady1989 / 05/10/2009 at 3:01pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
Today, I went to the zoo with a guy I like, when we were there we saw a swarm of bees. I told him that if I got stung he would have to watch me because my dad is deathly allergic to bees and I have never been stung. Jokingly, he nudged me into the bush and said "let's see". We did. I'm allergic. FML
by busybee / 05/09/2009 at 11:38pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, my mom asked if I wanted to come to dinner with my parents and my grandparents who are in from London. When we got to the restaurant, there was a wait. My mom made me walk home because they could get a table quicker for a group of four than a group of five. FML
by charlie / 05/09/2009 at 9:48pm / United States (Delaware) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking in the park when I saw an attractive girl walking nearby. I approached her to strike up a conversation when suddenly a large fly invaded my left nostril, and became lodged inside. After picking out the bloody fly pieces, I looked up to see the girl walking away, gagging. FML
by jamblasticus / 05/08/2009 at 9:07pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
Today, while working at my tanning salon, a woman came in and I put her in a booth, which are all stand up. After she comes out, I go in to clean it and realize that floor is all wet. I questioned her about it and she replies, "Oh, I peed, that's not a drain?". FML
by lover21 / 05/08/2009 at 7:17pm / United States (New York) / Work
Today, I texted a girl who I had hooked up with the night before to see if she wanted to hang out again. She responded, "I think we should keep it the way it was, before last night." I just met her last night. FML
by Anonymous / 05/08/2009 at 7:37am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
- Today, my girlfriend put a paper bag over my head while we had sex. Her reason? Because she thinks… Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets more pleasure out of using a Q-tip than he does having sex… Today, my new boyfriend and I really wanted to have sex, but he went soft as soon as he entered me.…