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shadowPlayer's favorite FMLs
by adrenochrome / 02/09/2009 at 4:21am / Lithuania (Vilniaus Apskritis) / Miscellaneous
Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML
by IntimidatorStag / 02/06/2009 at 6:54pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I ate at a friend's house. Her 5-year-old son, who was at the table with us, looked at me and said quietly, "You're ugly." My friend told him off, causing him to cry, and shout, "But she isn't pretty!" FML
by mimo / 11/13/2008 at 11:16pm / Kids
- Today, marks the third week since my stomach burst out in tiny red and purple spots under my skin.… Today, I lost 30 pounds, I was so excited so I showed my husband (which I normally don't do because… Today, I found out my 14 year old girlfriend is pregnant. She said I'm the father and we never even…