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by adrenochrome / 02/09/2009 at 4:21am / Lithuania (Vilniaus Apskritis) / Miscellaneous
Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML
by IntimidatorStag / 02/06/2009 at 6:54pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I ate at a friend's house. Her 5-year-old son, who was at the table with us, looked at me and said quietly, "You're ugly." My friend told him off, causing him to cry, and shout, "But she isn't pretty!" FML
- Today, I took my girlfriend out to a restaurant for her birthday. She had to go to the toilet while… Today, my girlfriend offered a blow job, but my hair got stuck in her braces so instead we tried to… Today, the guy I've been seeing bought me a nice bottle of wine and cooked dinner for me. Later, we…