Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

roeallen

Search for a member

roeallen
  • Town/Country : Ottawa, Canada
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 17 September 1993 (20 years)
  • Number of visits : 3977
  • Number of comments : 127
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

roeallen's last visitors

sleepwalker13meb123hazelrecklessryaninsomniacdreamerSmokeyBear420Rulerray97erinblackkKatiekhalifaDustin0302

roeallen's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Seen it!

You’ve watched 5 FML videos on the website, and commented on them.

I NEED to know!

You went as far as reading the terms of use. You’re a total FML completist.

See all of roeallen's badges

roeallen's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to the bathroom and my pee split into 4 different streams, none of which actually hit the toilet. FML

#14540407
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21864) - you deserved it (5949)

On 01/11/2011 at 12:32am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair. FML

#14524101
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28537) - you deserved it (3003)

On 01/09/2011 at 7:19pm - health - by curlyisnogood -

Today, I had to explain to my friend why it's inappropriate to conduct a phone conversation while simultaneously eating a bagel, listening to music, and taking a shit. FML

#14521055
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20790) - you deserved it (3349)

On 01/09/2011 at 1:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, while in a public restroom I could hear a guy having his way with his hand. He was quoting verses from the bible. I was in a cubicle and he was at the urinal. I was too frightened to leave. This went on for a very long time. FML

#14234444
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32241) - you deserved it (2953)

On 12/17/2010 at 11:05am - intimacy - by biblewanker - Australia

Today, my best friend lost her virginity in the backseat of a car. I was sitting in the front. FML

Today, my toddler stood up in a shopping cart and fell, giving himself a black eye. Later, while at a restaurant, he tried to stand up in his high-chair. I quickly blurted out, "Sit down! Do you want another one of those?" while pointing at his eye. The waiter wouldn’t stop glaring at me. FML

#14209243
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33952) - you deserved it (7695)

On 12/15/2010 at 12:42am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was in a public restroom taking a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard "No, you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud. And that I wasn't alone. FML

#14199411
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11329) - you deserved it (20535)

On 12/14/2010 at 4:26am - health - by shit (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my six year old told me I have a big nose. When I told her that she hurt my feelings, she laughed and said "Don't be silly mummy, ugly people don't have feelings." FML

#14199055
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (104431) - you deserved it (14016)

On 12/14/2010 at 3:21am - kids - by uglywoman - Australia (Queensland)

Today, whilst driving to the store, an idiot driver found it to be okay to drive ridiculously fast in below freezing temperatures on the ice and snow. As he passed my car, I angrily gave him the finger. And then I realized I was wearing mittens. FML

Today, I arrived home to find my cat dead and note saying, "Sorry, I tripped over him." Not only is my cat dead, but I was robbed by a polite thief. FML

#13841741
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49023) - you deserved it (2314)

On 11/14/2010 at 2:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I realized I've been playing too much Call of Duty. I started screaming, "Spawn, b*tch! Spawn!" at my microwavable pizza while it was in the microwave. FML

#13827261
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11050) - you deserved it (48254)

On 11/13/2010 at 12:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while eating dinner with my family, I found out my boyfriend recorded me screaming while having sex with him on my phone, and set it as my ring tone on high volume. FML

#13822314
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27508) - you deserved it (4949)

On 11/13/2010 at 12:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at the doctors office after throwing up for the past week. My diagnosis? Apparently I'm the first pregnant man. After about minutes of freaking out and explaining on how it was possible, he told me he was joking and that I'm fine, but my reaction was best thus far. FML

#13787466
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43593) - you deserved it (16156)

On 11/10/2010 at 5:28am - health - by youreajoker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found my son's iPod touch and was looking at a light-saber app. He walked into the living room to see me fighting the cat and making sound effects to myself. FML

#13760701
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6236) - you deserved it (26529)

On 11/08/2010 at 1:07am - animals - by yay! - United States (Arizona)

Today, while setting up for a party I was having, I put black lights into our bathroom for the cool bright, neon color you get when you pee. When I turn them on to see where I need to continue cleaning, I see many, small, yellow hand prints on the walls. I have a nine year old brother. FML

#13660294
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20120) - you deserved it (2572)

On 10/31/2010 at 5:05am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: