About redpie : This world is not my home, I'm just passing through
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redpie's favorite FMLs
Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML
by Hakimstah / 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm / Lebanon / Intimacy
by still hungry / 04/21/2012 at 9:04am / United States (Illinois) / Love
by jaderie / 04/21/2012 at 5:26am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by yikes / 04/21/2012 at 4:36am / United States / Animals
Today, I called my mobile phone provider to end my contract. A sales rep spent over half an hour trying to convince me to reconsider, and I kept refusing. I ended up breaking down and accepting a "more economical" contract, which I didn't notice costs almost twice as much as the last one. FML
by ... / 04/20/2012 at 10:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money
Today, I was on the bus during rush hour. A fly started buzzing around my head, and I swatted at it, at the exact moment the woman beside me decided to get out of her seat and put her face straight in the path of my hand. FML
by apparentlyawomanbeater / 04/20/2012 at 5:48pm / Switzerland (Ticino) / Transportation
Today, I was pumping gas, when my daughter called me. After I hung up, I put my phone on the car roof while I grabbed my bag. I completely forgot about it and only realized when it shot off the roof as I braked at a traffic light. FML
by Katelyn / 04/20/2012 at 1:58pm / United States (California) / Transportation
by caaarl / 04/19/2012 at 3:46pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Love
by amber / 04/19/2012 at 2:00pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love
by ajnmegs / 04/19/2012 at 12:08pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by MI3 / 04/19/2012 at 3:34am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, someone burgled my hotel room. As always, I had locked my passport, extra cash, and other valuables in the closet safe, so I thought the losses would be superficial. What a discovery that the safe hadn't been fastened to the closet shelf, so the thief just picked it up and took it home. FML
Today, I finally asked some friends to read the beginning of a novel that I'd been slaving away at. One of them said it was the literary equivalent of aquarium gravel. Another asked if I'd been sniffing boot polish while writing it. FML
by Anonymous / 04/19/2012 at 12:46am / United States (Nevada) / Work
by mitchell904 / 04/18/2012 at 7:51pm / United Kingdom (Newport) / Work
Today, during my first day as a doctor’s intern, I attended a consultation. The embarrassed patient asked me to leave. Not really knowing my way around, I went through the first door I could find. By the time I realized it was a closet, I didn’t dare come back out. Twenty minutes is a long time to wait. FML
- Today, I just found out that my little brother likes to peak through the crack of the bathroom door… Today, I gave my dad whiplash. He was teaching me how to drive stick, and I let the clutch out too… Today, I went in for an appointment with my therapist. When she saw me, she gasped, "Are you okay?…