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redpie's favorite FMLs
by BTM13 / 05/05/2012 at 11:19pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home from the minimum-wage job I suffer through to support my now ex-boyfriend's ailing music career. It seems his time management skills suck almost as badly as his music, because I found him in my bedroom, licking whipped cream off my step-sister. FML
by Anonymous / 05/05/2012 at 12:28pm / United States (Arkansas) / Love
Today, my boyfriend cuffed my legs to the bed. After the sex we discovered one of the cuffs wouldn't open. After an hour of trying to pry them open, I had to waddle with him to the fire station to have them removed in front of 4 amused firefighters. FML
by Anonymous / 05/05/2012 at 8:07am / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/05/2012 at 3:08am / United States / Miscellaneous
by CALIdime_15 / 05/05/2012 at 1:42am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I were making love for the first time, when out of nowhere my cat meowed from the doorway. My boyfriend sighed, pulled out, and exasperatedly called me a selfish bitch for not having put my cat outside. FML
by S12Sophia / 05/02/2012 at 6:06pm / France / Intimacy
Today, I was to have an important phone interview for a job. I got a call and everything went perfectly, and they said I was hired. Later, I found out that one of my "friends" had gotten one of his buddies to prank call me and make sure the line was engaged when the real interviewer called. FML
by panther of the desert / 05/02/2012 at 5:58pm / Puerto Rico / Work
Today, I went on a picnic with my boyfriend's family. I thought it would be nice to wear my sundress and cowgirl boots. The wind repeatedly picked up my dress in front of everyone, including my boyfriend's seedy grandpa, who I have to admit can do a pretty good wolf-whistle. FML
by EyeSeeYou / 05/02/2012 at 2:34pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a date with the girl I've been interested in for months. I'm pretty laid-back and casual with my friends, which backfired and caused the date to end with a slap, when I greeted her with a friendly "S'up, slut?" FML
by f*ck / 05/02/2012 at 12:22pm / United States / Love
by winnerwinner / 05/02/2012 at 11:46am / United States / Intimacy
by tillyg15 / 05/02/2012 at 7:18am / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Work
by Anonymous / 05/02/2012 at 7:05am / Canada / Love
by muddled / 05/02/2012 at 2:16am / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML
by Flip / 05/02/2012 at 1:06am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love
Today, my new neighbours moved in. I've neither seen nor spoken to them yet; all I know is that they enjoy hammering at the walls for hours on end and repeatedly setting off the fire alarm. All this in the small hours of the morning. I got two hours of sleep. FML
by Anonymous / 05/01/2012 at 3:51pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got… 3Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for…