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rabbitpeegirl's favorite FMLs
Today, it was my daughter's birthday. She had been wanting a cat for a long time, so I went to the animal shelter and got an orange one. As soon as she saw it, she ran upstairs screaming, "GINGER! GINGER!" She refuses to come downstairs until I get rid of "the soulless creature." FML
by Anonymous / 01/19/2011 at 10:44pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
Today, I went to the ER after a fall. Before the nurse did an X-Ray, she gave me a pregnancy test. It came back negative. I joked "No martians have crawled into my uterus, then?" She didn't get it, and I had my head scanned for brain trauma. Never crack a joke in a hospital. FML
by Anonymous / 01/17/2011 at 9:08pm / United States (New York) / Health
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 4:53am / France / Love
by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 9:33pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, my landlord sent tree cutters to take down a tree in our front yard. I didn't realize their job included walking around the house and gratuitously staring at me through the window as I dressed. My boyfriend won't complain because he's afraid our rent will go up in retaliation. FML
by iheartnjdevils / 01/12/2011 at 2:42pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my baby-crazy mother expressed her concerns that I haven't conceived after a whole two months of marriage. Her advice amounted to "get divorced while you're still hot, sleep around until you get pregnant, then marry the winner." When I complained to my father, he supported her. FML
by Anonymous / 01/11/2011 at 1:46pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 3:25am / United States (Connecticut) / Animals
Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML
by Anonymous / 01/08/2011 at 8:11pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by sad / 01/08/2011 at 12:22am / United States (Oregon) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/07/2011 at 8:12am / Sweden (Orebro Lan) / Love
by LoveMyNewBro / 01/04/2011 at 5:56am / Intimacy
by Nickolas / 12/31/2010 at 12:58am / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 12/29/2010 at 12:20am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years tell his friend he was going to "pop the question". Ecstatic, I wore my nicest dress and got my hair done for dinner. Near the end, he leant in romantically and asked if we could start doing anal. So much for marriage. FML
by snoozerlooser / 12/24/2010 at 7:00pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today my mom, bored lover of games and mysteries, bragged about outsmarting scammers by burning all…
- Today, my boyfriend told me about this guy who makes balloon animals with his penis. My boyfriend… Today, I heard what sounded like high-pitched feminine moaning coming from my son's room. I knocked… Today, despite being 21 years old and living in my own place, my mom still managed to walk in on me…