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rabbitpeegirl's favorite FMLs
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend in his bedroom. It was getting pretty intense, so he got up to close the door. While he was facing the other way, I took off my bra and sling-shot it so that it would hit him. Right when I let go of it, his mom walked in and it hit her in the face. FML
by Anonymous / 03/22/2011 at 1:54am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by HotAsTits / 03/20/2011 at 4:31pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/19/2011 at 11:43am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
Today, I have a cat with separation anxiety. By this, I mean whenever I go in another room and shut the door with her outside, she uses her head as a battering ram to try and break down the door. It's fun trying to sleep too. FML
by nosleeptilpissoff / 03/18/2011 at 11:54am / United States (Minnesota) / Animals
Today, I thought I'd take my little sister to the park. After getting bored of playing on the climbers, she thought it would be funny to throw some mud at me; too bad mud wasn’t the only chunky brown stuff on the ground. FML
by Abeille / 03/16/2011 at 8:50pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by thisblows / 03/16/2011 at 12:50pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal, my son had pooped in the school yard then gave the teacher a ziploc bag and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML
by Albert06 / 03/14/2011 at 5:26pm / France / Love
Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML
by Anonymous / 03/13/2011 at 6:26pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend did the Austin Powers dance/strip-tease while dancing to 'I Touch Myself'. It was cute until he ripped off his shirt and revealed that he'd shaved his chest hair in the shape of a penis. FML
by Anon / 03/10/2011 at 10:08am / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy
Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML
by Anonymous / 03/03/2011 at 6:22am / United States (California) / Work
Today, on the train, a cute girl gave me her number. After maybe half an hour, she went to her seat and I went to the toilet for a quick but loud and painful dump. I opened the door and saw her outside getting bitch-slapped by the smell. FML
by CutieBooty / 02/22/2011 at 4:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by moweezy9 / 02/21/2011 at 4:07pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I’m in China for work. All my work is stored in my Google Drive, directly via the internet.… Today, I live in Romania and my walls are particularly thin. After enduring my neighbor’s parties,… Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he…