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pyromonkey1830

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pyromonkey1830

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  • Number of visits : 605
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Visits<b>RowanNightShade</b> - the 12/19/2013 at 12:44am<b>SelenaMilkshake</b> - the 11/16/2013 at 11:17pm<b>frankiero</b> - the 11/12/2013 at 6:49am<b>smile_because</b> - the 11/09/2013 at 8:59pm<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 11/09/2013 at 2:10pm<b>TheBigDawg</b> - the 08/02/2013 at 10:42am<b>lucianaamelia</b> - the 07/12/2013 at 5:10am<b>HelenKeller1</b> - the 07/04/2013 at 11:04pm<b>ginawater19</b> - the 06/13/2013 at 10:12pm

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pyromonkey1830's favorite FMLs

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

#20974086
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40750) - you deserved it (41324)

On 11/28/2013 at 9:05pm - misc - by OuchImAMoron (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to my boss's dinner party. My sister, who also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kicked her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's baby crawling under the table. FML

#20823157
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54095) - you deserved it (18169)

On 08/06/2013 at 1:07am - work - by offuckingcourse - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML

#20818422
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60802) - you deserved it (5969)

On 08/03/2013 at 9:01am - misc - by zackeryburch - United States (California)

Today, as I was about to enter a public restroom, a man walked out and said, "You may want to hold your nose in there. I just took the biggest dump of my life." It was the ladies' restroom. FML

#20785565
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45129) - you deserved it (2985)

On 07/16/2013 at 12:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML

#20783255
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50875) - you deserved it (6469)

On 07/14/2013 at 11:40pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, the guy I like asked me what he should do for the girl he has a crush on. I told him to give her flowers and tell her how he feels. Later that day my doorbell rang, and he stood there holding flowers. He said the magical words, "My car broke down, can you give me a lift?" FML

#20778979
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63572) - you deserved it (4747)

On 07/13/2013 at 12:22am - love - by Stacy (woman) - United States

Today, I was going to fight the guy who my girlfriend left me for. While waiting at the park, he sent me a video of the two of them having sex on my bed. FML

#20768398
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65691) - you deserved it (21367)

On 07/07/2013 at 8:35am - love - by SimG (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

#20767385
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55003) - you deserved it (7747)

On 07/06/2013 at 5:21pm - intimacy - by hamburger - United States (Michigan)

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

#20763013
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58798) - you deserved it (10844)

On 07/04/2013 at 3:03am - intimacy - by Never Going Back To The Doctor (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

#20762710
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45144) - you deserved it (8994)

On 07/04/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by idk ask freud - United States (Oregon)

Today, as a joke, my friends pushed me into the men's restroom and held the door shut. As I was trying to push the door open, I heard a voice behind me say, "Wow. Immaturity, huh?" I turned to find a guy taking a dump in one of the urinals. FML

#20757332
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53889) - you deserved it (3459)

On 07/01/2013 at 1:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, the weather was so hot that I couldn't stop sweating profusely while using the restroom. Ever slipped off the toilet seat and hit the floor hard due to ass-sweat? Not a pleasant experience. FML

#20750694
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47472) - you deserved it (5885)

On 06/27/2013 at 4:27pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, my mom left for a bachelorette party. She forgot a gift, so she called me and made me go into her closet, pick out a sex toy from the "box of gag gifts", and bring it to her. Should I pick anal beads or a cock ring? FML

#20744678
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54580) - you deserved it (4457)

On 06/24/2013 at 2:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I caught my 16-year-old daughter and her boyfriend trying to use a latex glove as a condom. FML

#20735858
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53815) - you deserved it (8463)

On 06/19/2013 at 7:40pm - intimacy - by whatno - United States (Texas)

Today, a bug buzzed into my ear. In response, I punched myself in the face. FML



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