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by hamburger / 07/06/2013 at 5:21pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, as I was enjoying a nice fish salad, my father looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Ahh, salmon. The 'other' pink meat", then winked suggestively at my mother. I don't think I can ever eat fish again. FML
by ugh / 07/04/2013 at 2:28pm / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Intimacy
Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML
by Never Going Back To The Doctor / 07/04/2013 at 3:03am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/06/2011 at 6:28am / Reserved / Intimacy
by mrssagdiyev / 03/05/2011 at 9:19am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML
by Anonymous / 03/03/2011 at 6:22am / United States (California) / Work
by anonymous / 02/21/2011 at 12:01am / Intimacy
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house and sat around while he played video games. He turned to me and could see I was annoyed. Then he told his friends on XBox Live that he needed a 10 minute break to have sex with me. FML
by Anonymous / 02/19/2011 at 12:22am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, I ran out of toilet paper in the bathroom. I was forced to use tissues to do the job. As if that wasn't bad enough, the sanitizer in the tissues gave me a rash that made me have to stand up frequently in the lecture hall. Several people asked if I had Tourette's. FML
by no more tp / 02/17/2011 at 1:22am / Health
Today, I went to the vending machine, put in a dollar, and reached down to grab my snack. The slot door wouldn't open, so I pushed it harder. I got my hand in, but the door got stuck again, this time with my hand inside. I tried to push with my other hand. It got stuck too. FML
by CandyMachine / 02/16/2011 at 6:58pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by Lovenem / 02/16/2011 at 12:51pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/16/2011 at 12:50am / Intimacy
by howler / 02/15/2011 at 1:44am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by bleu_noir / 02/14/2011 at 4:34pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up to a good friend of mine leaving my bed. The very friend I've had a crush on for months, and knows exactly how I feel about him. Everything was great until he said, "Yeah, about last night... It's just that you were there, and I was weak. See ya." FML
by Emily / 02/14/2011 at 3:25pm / France (Auvergne) / Love