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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 30 July 1995 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 418
  • Number of comments : 39
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About portcaveman : I read fmls when im bored and have time to waste. I play football and even though im going into a junior I might be able to play varsity with a fractured back. I also wrestle at school and my last season was all varsity. So if you want to talk to me just massage me on skype, Portcaveman or text me 425 530 8139

portcaveman's page activity

Visits<b>Gimanos</b> - the 04/12/2016 at 2:25pm<b>yahitscyndi</b> - the 10/02/2015 at 1:29pm<b>ShatteredPulse</b> - the 03/10/2015 at 11:01pm<b>sarah1024</b> - the 03/14/2014 at 7:21am<b>Kypopz</b> - the 12/28/2011 at 2:33pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:48pm<b>erpaderp</b> - the 09/01/2011 at 4:30pm<b>angelkisses1926</b> - the 08/12/2011 at 9:45pm<b>blondie1208</b> - the 07/27/2011 at 9:45pm

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portcaveman's favorite FMLs

Today, I was sitting the living room, when my mom commented on the smell of garlic in the air. After ten minutes of searching for the source, she gave up. I was too embarrassed to admit that I'd tried using garlic to cure my yeast infection. FML

by yeastly / 07/09/2012 at 3:54pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I paid a social visit to my grandparents. While we were watching the news, a story came on about the Queen of England. I scoffed, "How is she not dead already? How old is she, anyway?" My grandmother replied, "About my age." Oops. FML

by Anonymous / 07/08/2012 at 5:13pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom and I somehow got into a serious argument over the ethics of capturing and training Pokémon. FML

by Anonymous / 07/08/2012 at 5:03pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, my manager called me into his office and spent half an hour screaming at me for granting one of our workers so many religious off-days. Apparently, the name of these "religious observances" actually means something to the effect of "scoring some pussy" in Macedonian. FML

by a4rk / 07/08/2012 at 2:32pm / Malaysia (Sarawak) / Work

Today, my over-protective husband went into an extreme fit of jealousy at the sight of me breast-feeding our newborn baby boy. He's trying to make me bottle-feed our boy, because apparently it's "wrong" to let another guy touch my boobs. FML

by wife of a shithead / 07/06/2012 at 1:44pm / Norway (Oslo) / Love

Today, my mom called to chew me out for having my sister arrested. My sister broke into my apartment, rearranged my living room, and claimed she now lived with me. She then threatened me with a butcher's knife for not appreciating what she had done. My mom wants me to pay the bail. FML

by needmorelocks / 07/03/2012 at 1:36am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. My mum walked in and told him to pull out and show her that he was wearing a condom, and not just saying he was. FML

by Anonymous / 11/09/2011 at 7:55am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML

by omg / 03/24/2011 at 8:43pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, I went to the beach. After applying sunscreen liberally and doing my best to stay out of the sun, I came home with the worst sunburn I have ever had. I almost needed to go to the hospital. I am officially too pale to be allowed outside in summer. FML

by whitey / 01/09/2011 at 6:11am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML

by anonymous / 04/21/2009 at 1:42am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

by rebekah / 04/03/2009 at 3:39pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I was sitting in traffic for about an hour. I've heard stories about people doing the dirty in their cars and I never do anything risky so I thought, why not, I'll be here a while, no one can see me: I'll masturbate. Midway through I hear a tap on my driver's window. Its a police officer. FML

by imanidiot / 03/03/2009 at 1:29am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy