Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

portcaveman

Search for a member

portcaveman

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 30 July 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 247
  • Number of comments : 39
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About portcaveman : I read fmls when im bored and have time to waste. I play football and even though im going into a junior I might be able to play varsity with a fractured back. I also wrestle at school and my last season was all varsity. So if you want to talk to me just massage me on skype, Portcaveman or text me 425 530 8139

portcaveman's page activity

Visits<b>sarah1024</b> - the 03/14/2014 at 7:21am<b>Kypopz</b> - the 12/28/2011 at 2:33pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:48pm<b>erpaderp</b> - the 09/01/2011 at 4:30pm<b>angelkisses1926</b> - the 08/12/2011 at 9:45pm<b>blondie1208</b> - the 07/27/2011 at 9:45pm

portcaveman's FML badges

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

See all of portcaveman's badges

portcaveman's favorite FMLs

Today, I was sitting the living room, when my mom commented on the smell of garlic in the air. After ten minutes of searching for the source, she gave up. I was too embarrassed to admit that I'd tried using garlic to cure my yeast infection. FML

#19915209
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9557) - you deserved it (28583)

On 07/09/2012 at 3:54pm - intimacy - by yeastly (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I paid a social visit to my grandparents. While we were watching the news, a story came on about the Queen of England. I scoffed, "How is she not dead already? How old is she, anyway?" My grandmother replied, "About my age." Oops. FML

#19910434
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6533) - you deserved it (37004) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/08/2012 at 5:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - France

Today, my mom and I somehow got into a serious argument over the ethics of capturing and training Pokémon. FML

#19910380
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18535) - you deserved it (6718)

On 07/08/2012 at 5:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my manager called me into his office and spent half an hour screaming at me for granting one of our workers so many religious off-days. Apparently, the name of these "religious observances" actually means something to the effect of "scoring some pussy" in Macedonian. FML

#19909832
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19579) - you deserved it (3722)

On 07/08/2012 at 2:32pm - work - by a4rk (man) - Malaysia (Sarawak)

Today, my over-protective husband went into an extreme fit of jealousy at the sight of me breast-feeding our newborn baby boy. He's trying to make me bottle-feed our boy, because apparently it's "wrong" to let another guy touch my boobs. FML

#19900187
326 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40635) - you deserved it (4180)

On 07/06/2012 at 1:44pm - love - by wife of a shithead (woman) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, my mom called to chew me out for having my sister arrested. My sister broke into my apartment, rearranged my living room, and claimed she now lived with me. She then threatened me with a butcher's knife for not appreciating what she had done. My mom wants me to pay the bail. FML

#19884123
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33615) - you deserved it (2256)

On 07/03/2012 at 1:36am - misc - by needmorelocks - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. My mum walked in and told him to pull out and show her that he was wearing a condom, and not just saying he was. FML

#18200253
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55989) - you deserved it (8316)

On 11/09/2011 at 7:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML

#15472026
407 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48612) - you deserved it (8006)

On 03/24/2011 at 8:43pm - misc - by omg - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to the beach. After applying sunscreen liberally and doing my best to stay out of the sun, I came home with the worst sunburn I have ever had. I almost needed to go to the hospital. I am officially too pale to be allowed outside in summer. FML

#14518373
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23695) - you deserved it (3714)

On 01/09/2011 at 6:11am - health - by whitey (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML

#1183815
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35475) - you deserved it (92782)

On 04/21/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

#784043
455 comments

I agree, your life sucks (406261) - you deserved it (66799)

On 04/03/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by rebekah (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was sitting in traffic for about an hour. I've heard stories about people doing the dirty in their cars and I never do anything risky so I thought, why not, I'll be here a while, no one can see me: I'll masturbate. Midway through I hear a tap on my driver's window. Its a police officer. FML

#192974
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27977) - you deserved it (138124)

On 03/03/2009 at 1:29am - intimacy - by imanidiot (man) - United States (Ohio)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #2: In slow-moving hell
  • It was once a dream, now it’s come true. We’re at the place that was allocated months ago for preprogrammed, enforced holiday fun time. We’ve put on some cargo shorts, slipped on some of those…

Wednesday 13 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: