There's absolutely nothing about me that anyone would even consider somewhat interesting.
Today, my girlfriend, who is a dog trainer, was telling me all about the techniques she uses at work. I commented on how the dogs must be stupid to fall for such simple tricks, to which she replied "They worked on you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (5943) - you totally deserved it (25020)
On 09/12/2009 at 8:00am - love - by TrainedBF (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I took this girl out that I've been crushing on for 2 years to a fancy restaurant. At one point during the date, I had to get up to take a massive dump. As I was walking back to the table, a little boy stood up and shouted, "THAT'S THE POOPOO MAN" in front of the whole restaurant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26695) - you totally deserved it (2745)
On 09/12/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by taman (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I went to buy a cake for my daughter's birthday. She really loves Twilight, so I decided to get her a vampire-related cake. I wrote down "fangs" as a decoration. The baker thought it said "wangs". My 10 year old daughter's cake has wangs all over it. Her party is tomorrow morning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29268) - you totally deserved it (4973)
On 08/08/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by TheCake - United States (Florida)
Today, I was talking with a close friend (who is a virgin) about why he did not want to have sex with a prostitute. He told me that "It's not nice to know that the girl you are having sex with has slept with half the country", he then added "That is exactly why I would not have sex with you". FML
I agree, your life sucks (9587) - you totally deserved it (37386)
On 08/05/2009 at 12:29pm - intimacy - by unlucky (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)
Today, a friend offered to have sex with me, since I'm a 19 year old virgin who's only been kissed. He then added on that I would have to give him my Wii in return. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31818) - you totally deserved it (3923) - moderated and selected by the Jackass crew
On 07/30/2009 at 11:52am - intimacy - by VelocityMary (woman) - United States
Today, I finally got the courage to ask out the guy I've liked for a long time. He's a cashier at a grocery store. It was about 1am and I was his last customer, everything seemed just right. Just when I was about to ask him to the movies, a drunk girl stumbles in and asks him out. He said yes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31518) - you totally deserved it (4038)
On 07/24/2009 at 5:32am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - India (Haryana)
Today, I was lying in bed late at night trying to fall asleep. I blew my nose on a kleenex and was too lazy to get up and put it in the garbage. I threw it under my bed when I heard a whispery voice say "Thank you". It was my little brother trying to scare me. I peed myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37207) - you totally deserved it (7304)
On 07/23/2009 at 7:34am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was at Target with my mom and we finished purchasing our items. We had gotten a fan so I said,"This thing is too big to fit in." First thing my mom yells? "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" and starts laughing hysterically in front of the entire store. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33206) - you totally deserved it (7319)
On 07/12/2009 at 2:25pm - misc - by embarrassed (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I got further with a guy than I've ever before. By that, I mean I got his phone number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38280) - you totally deserved it (5502)
On 07/08/2009 at 3:28am - misc - by stupiddddddd (woman) - United Kingdom (Rotherham)
Today, I was walking around town with the girl I have loved for four years and have been 100% faithfull to. A random girl thought it would be funny to approach me and pretend she was the girl I was seeing, and that I was cheating on her. My girlfriend believed her and broke up with me. FML
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On 07/05/2009 at 1:59am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was talking to my mother about my sex life, telling her "if I want to have sex I'm going to have sex." She looked at me for a moment and said, "You're staying a virgin until you marry". She wasn't ordering me, she was informing me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23790) - you totally deserved it (4378)
On 07/03/2009 at 11:47am - intimacy - by senelbeat - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me, with the same guy I was cheating on him with. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19702) - you totally deserved it (54925)
On 07/03/2009 at 10:16am - misc - by shandrith (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my friend said he'd give me 20 bucks if I would ask out the ugliest girl in school. I did it. She rejected me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9291) - you totally deserved it (58165)
On 06/24/2009 at 11:33am - love - by steven (man) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, was my birthday. After hinting for almost 2 months for a Wii, my dad pulls out a shiny new Wii Package. The only problem? The box didn't have a Wii in it. My dad gave me a Wii box with my VCR inside and a note saying "This is life. Once you think you're happy, someone crushes it". FML
I agree, your life sucks (59029) - you totally deserved it (4130)
On 06/23/2009 at 4:01am - misc - by Mullbull (man) - United States
Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors, they'll open in time. So I ran at a pair. They don't. FML
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On 06/19/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by kat9232000 - Canada (Alberta)
