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Perfectionist
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
Happy Ending
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (284909) - you deserved it (28920)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I went to the doctor's office because my wife and I were having some fertilization problems. As I removed my pants, the doctor simply looked at my penis and said "mhm." My wife laughed the whole way home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63929) - you deserved it (4132)
On 04/05/2009 at 9:32am - health - by manlyman (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25431) - you deserved it (66477)
On 04/04/2009 at 1:59am - intimacy - by GrandmasWhore (woman) - United States (Virginia)
I agree, your life sucks (17291) - you deserved it (54620)
On 03/31/2009 at 10:46am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "what do I do now?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (109673) - you deserved it (10331)
On 03/31/2009 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my friend told the cute waiter it was my birthday. He brought out a dessert with a candle and put a huge sombrero on my head. Everyone at the restaurant started singing me happy birthday. I got embarrassed and put my head down. My sombrero caught on fire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57349) - you deserved it (21433)
On 03/29/2009 at 5:08pm - misc - by Hotsauce887 (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I showed up at my boyfriend's work to surprise him by speaking in Spanish, his first language. I've been taking classes secretly. He smiled, kissed me, and then finished telling his friend, in Spanish, that I'm boring and ugly but he's got nothing better going on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (90310) - you deserved it (3810)
On 03/26/2009 at 8:02pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54143) - you deserved it (424547)
On 03/26/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Tourist (man) - United States (California)
Today, I had my car stolen. When the police found it, pretty much everything inside was missing. For some reason, I had left 6 pairs of shoes in my back seat. Whoever stole my car thought it would be funny to take one shoe from each pair. I now own 6 unmatched shoes and my car smells like sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (74108) - you deserved it (4328)
On 03/24/2009 at 1:44am - intimacy - by proudestmonkey (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML
I agree, your life sucks (83729) - you deserved it (23711)
On 03/23/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by SLA (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (73337) - you deserved it (24476)
On 03/23/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
I agree, your life sucks (193729) - you deserved it (21250)
On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I went swimming. As I was getting out of the very crowded pool a little girl ran up to me pointed and yelled, "Mommy, I want big boobies like that when I grow up." I'm 16. I'm a boy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64914) - you deserved it (21067)
On 03/22/2009 at 12:15am - misc - by joshinbaltimore (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (322481) - you deserved it (28022)
On 03/21/2009 at 3:15am - intimacy - by jilted (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I found a bell that had been tied into the tassel of my ski hat by my twin sister as part of a longstanding prank war between us. I'm deaf and have apparently been jingling like an elf for over a week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (106955) - you deserved it (7717)
On 03/20/2009 at 1:40pm - misc - by hipprep83 - United States (Pennsylvania)
Monday 17 June 2013
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