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piggsy1992's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 01/18/2013 at 5:50am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my cousin is coming home after his honeymoon. His gift to his new wife was a puppy, which I said I would take care of while they went away. I sneezed last week and scared the puppy. She ran off. This was ten days ago, and I still haven't found the dog. FML
by whymegirl / 07/22/2012 at 12:24am / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals
Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML
by soontobedumped / 01/15/2012 at 2:26pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, while I was peacefully sleeping, I felt a hand suddenly slap my forehead. Then fingers began to press against my mouth, then nose, then eyes. I finally woke up to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She'd confused me with her clock-radio. FML
by anonymous / 01/15/2012 at 12:58am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I asked a waiter at a restaurant if I could go in the kitchen to compliment the chef. She turned out to be really pretty, so trying to be cool, I leaned back onto what I thought was a table. It turned out to be a stove, and my shirt caught fire. FML
by Tiana / 01/08/2012 at 8:51pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 01/03/2012 at 12:32am / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, I invited a few of my co-workers over to play video games. Within an hour, my wife had gotten drunk, grabbed my controller, told me to "get back in the kitchen", and described to everyone in blood-chilling detail how she took her first boyfriend's virginity. FML
by ThinZ / 12/23/2011 at 7:26pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, while waiting for my train, I was listening to a voicemail message on my phone. Out of nowhere, a stranger came up to me from behind and screamed "DELETE!" into my ear. His voice command deleted my message. FML
by anna / 12/22/2011 at 4:25pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML
by DocBastard / 12/16/2011 at 9:29pm / United States / Kids
by Rumpkis / 12/04/2011 at 8:30pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by trembelwick / 12/03/2011 at 5:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by waterbottlehit / 12/02/2011 at 12:23am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/27/2011 at 5:46pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, we were going around the table, telling everyone what we were thankful for. My girlfriend said she was thankful for her vibrator, because I can't please her like it can. My family thought this was funny. FML
by notgoodenough / 11/25/2011 at 12:20pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 2Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…