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phuck19

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phuck19
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  • Number of visits : 37
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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phuck19's favorite FMLs

Today, I told my dad that I broke up with my first serious girlfriend. He responded by blaring sad breakup songs as loud as he could throughout the house, just to see me "cry like a bitch". FML

#20671425
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36917) - you deserved it (5635)

On 05/18/2013 at 6:33pm - love - by SteroidPenguin (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my brother tried to convince me to get a clitoris piercing at his recently opened piercing studio. FML

#20668963
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42532) - you deserved it (4023)

On 05/17/2013 at 12:40pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Varmlands Lan)

Today, my little brother gave me a candy bar for my birthday. After I ate the entire thing, he told me it was Ex-Lax and that I needed it because I'm "so full of shit". FML

#20668693
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40106) - you deserved it (6809)

On 05/17/2013 at 8:04am - misc - by Unlucky Individual - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my son trying to carve a bong out of a watermelon. FML

#20656177
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35582) - you deserved it (6075)

On 05/11/2013 at 12:21pm - kids - by What the fuck, son? (man) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML

#20642182
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45483) - you deserved it (3692)

On 05/05/2013 at 12:14am - work - by ADickySituation - United States (Illinois)

Today, through sheer luck, I got talking to an actor from the Harry Potter films who I've had a crush on since I was about ten. I tried to play it cool, and pretend I didn't know who he was. Then my phone rang, with the Harry Potter theme tune. FML

#20633236
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19729) - you deserved it (36754)

On 04/30/2013 at 6:23pm - misc - by itsellie27 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in public. She happily said yes, and the surrounding crowd cheered for us. About 10 minutes later, after the excitement died down, she leaned over and quietly said, "Actually, I don't want to marry you. I only said yes so I wouldn't disappoint the crowd." FML

#20622674
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65020) - you deserved it (8399)

On 04/26/2013 at 5:17am - love - by Anonymous -

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

#20587443
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54549) - you deserved it (9167)

On 04/13/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by ironies a b*tch - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex; I know that some women are great multitaskers, but I'm guessing it was a bad sign when she started to go over the shopping list. FML

#20585940
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35897) - you deserved it (6587)

On 04/12/2013 at 1:05am - intimacy - by Fml (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML

#20532616
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34698) - you deserved it (3339)

On 03/05/2013 at 7:07pm - kids - by cjw - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend can do Heath Ledger's "Joker" voice perfectly. I'm not sure if I should be scared or impressed. FML

#20529319
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24105) - you deserved it (4150)

On 03/03/2013 at 11:05am - love - by nerdgirlmickey (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML

#20526083
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30981) - you deserved it (9169)

On 02/28/2013 at 7:48pm - misc - by useless pos (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend made me play Slender. I was so terrified, I stopped playing 10 minutes in. Tonight, I kept hearing noises outside. When I peered out through the window, a bald figure in a suit was staring back at me. I shrieked in absolute terror; he burst out laughing. It was my boyfriend. FML

#20520443
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27386) - you deserved it (3530)

On 02/24/2013 at 4:20pm - misc - by stillfuckingcrying (woman) - Sweden (Kalmar Lan)

Today, while I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls, right beside a vein. I've been bleeding on and off for an hour, and the New Skin I tried isn't able to dry quickly enough. FML

#20520338
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26748) - you deserved it (5001)

On 02/24/2013 at 2:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML

#20516811
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4978) - you deserved it (32870)

On 02/21/2013 at 9:56pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)



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