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pat4prez's FML badges
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pat4prez's favorite FMLs
Today, at the store, I noticed a girl eyeing a chocolate bunny. Her mom refused to buy it, saying they didn't have enough money. She started crying, so I decided to make her day and offered to buy it for her. Her mom reacted by slapping me across the face and calling me a "pedo." FML
by easteryegg / 04/05/2013 at 8:13pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by Anonymous / 04/05/2013 at 6:58pm / Israel (HaMerkaz) / Love
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
by what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god / 04/05/2013 at 2:51pm / Singapore / Health
Today, I went to get my car fixed. There was a vending machine in the waiting room, and I was hungry. The snacks were overpriced, but I still had a little money left over. I noticed a bag of Cheetos hanging loose, so I paid for them, hoping to get two bags. They both got stuck. FML
by Z'ev / 04/05/2013 at 12:34pm / United States (New York) / Money
by Anonymous / 04/05/2013 at 7:23am / Australia (Queensland) / Health
Today, I carried flat-packed boxes home from work to move my things into a new apartment. Whilst walking down the street, the wind kept blowing and spinning me round. A crowd eventually gathered, mistaking me for a street performer. Nobody helped or even threw me any loose change. FML
by Gem / 04/05/2013 at 7:04am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to give a 15-minute presentation for a conference. I hadn't had the time to write out a proper speech so I decided to just wing it. My sponsor liked my presentation so much he wants me to turn it into an article. Now if only I could remember what I said. FML
by BrillianceSucks / 04/04/2013 at 8:10pm / Canada / Work
Today, I was on a plane in the aisle seat; the guy in the middle was encroaching on my space, and the window seat was not taken. The stewardess noticed my discomfort and suggested the guy move so we both had space. He had bought both seats and "liked sitting in the middle." FML
by Claustrophobic / 04/04/2013 at 3:12am / United States / Transportation
by nobodylovesme / 04/04/2013 at 2:46am / United States (California) / Love
by SayCheese / 04/02/2013 at 6:52pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by madiison09 / 04/01/2013 at 1:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, during a sex ed lesson, we were given a lecture on pregnancy and abortion from the school nurse. Throughout the session she kept repeating, "Of course, Sophie knows ALL about this." The nurse happens to know that my dad's a gynaecologist. That's not what everyone else in the year thinks. FML
by Soph / 03/25/2013 at 5:53pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous
by inconnue / 03/18/2013 at 6:34pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love
by crétin-crédule / 02/26/2013 at 12:02am / France (Limousin) / Love
Today, I walked past a few of my coworkers sitting outside smoking. As I got a whiff of the smoke, I coughed. They immediately started to defend their habit, and I was told to "mind my own fucking business." I wasn't trying to be rude; I'm actually allergic to cigarette smoke. FML
by youmindyourownbusiness / 02/15/2013 at 12:53am / United States (Illinois) / Health
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…
- Today, being useless at thinking of gifts, I asked my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas. I said… Today, while I was making love to my fiancé, his mom walked out of the hotel bathroom and sat in a… Today, I thought it would be sexy to cook dinner in lingerie. Today, my boyfriend thought it would…