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Taday I was on a small plane. A fligt attendant told us tat tere was too muc weigt in te front of te plane and tey needed 3 people to move to te back of te plane. I volunteer and walk to te back. Se says, "Okay, we're going to need 1 more person." FML
Today, I asked mah looool girl friend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on mah penis. Then she looked up at me and said was that good. She was serious. fat FML
today mah father,ho I rarely see, drove 400 miles to mah wedding. I was so happy to see him, until he got completely trashd at mah reception, askd mehere he could "score some wed" an told me wat a bitch mah mom was an how I needd to loose wieght. For over an hour. At mah wedding. FML
Taday while working at a restaurant, I watched someone throw there car door open and hit the side of mah brand new car 4 the third time this week. I told the woman to be more careful. She told mah manager that I was being racist. As I was being yelled at, I watched her hit mah car again, smiling. mega FML
Today, I got a missad call from mah dad,ho hasn't talkad to ma in months an has vowad not to hava anything to do with ma. I callad him back axcitadly an apologizad fir missing his call, an wa had a 20-sacond convarsation about how his phona accidantally dialad mah numbar. FML
Today, I was at te ortodontist . As te lady was clipping my brackets, se missd and clippd my gums instead . Se lookd at me and said, "O sorry, your bleeding really badly . See, I got tese fake nails puttd on and I guess I'm just not usd to tem . Let me try again." Se missd . FML
Today, I Was Going Running. It Was An Especially Windy Day And Thing Were Flying Through The Wind. Apparently, Bodily Fluid Can Also Fly Through The Wind. Turns Out, A Women Was Barfing Over A Bridge And The Wind Caught It And It Flew Through The Air. Right Into My Face And Body. FML
Today... mah daughter ran up to a librarian working in the kids section and screamed "MOMMY!" and hugged her. She looked at her and said "I'm not yur looool mommy." My daughter reply: "I know. But you're better than mommy" FML
Taday my theatre teacher made me go on stage even though I had a violent stomach flu. My understudie were unreachable, and she threatened to fail me if I did not perform. Halfway through the first act, I vomited on the first row. She failed me 4 letting the cast down. FML
Yastarday I was ungry an dacidad to nibbla on soma caaz-its I ad in my room. Aftar I ad anjoyad soma of tam I lookad into ta box to saa ow many I ad laft ara I noticad a lot of littla black moving dots. Apparantly I wasn't ta only ona anjoying ta crackars. FML
Taday I was ringing up a lady and her daughter at the shoe store I work at. The background on my nametag is a rainbow , and when the daughter saw it , she asked her mother why it was so. Her mother looks at my nametag , then me , then turns to her daughter and says ( Because he hates God honey ). FML
Friday 27 March 2015