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omgwtf99

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omgwtf99
  • Town/Country : London, England
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2585
  • Number of comments : 24
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About omgwtf99 : MUFASA!

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omgwtf99's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I was really close to climaxing, when he suddenly stopped, smirked, and said, "Hang on, I'm buffering." FML

#19580511
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27502) - you deserved it (3265)

On 05/06/2012 at 2:39am - intimacy - by Kwalker3 - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML

#19578544
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15310) - you deserved it (27028)

On 05/05/2012 at 7:07pm - animals - by doggone - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I accidentally adopted a dolphin for $125. FML

#19566058
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10141) - you deserved it (25808)

On 05/02/2012 at 10:39pm - money - by Optimus_Prime97 - United States

Today, I found out that I've been calling my boyfriend's dad by the wrong name for the past two years. No one had told me sooner because they liked laughing at me for it when I wasn't around. FML

#19530940
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17100) - you deserved it (2832)

On 04/26/2012 at 3:11am - misc - by somefamily (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I saw a picture of a dude on a Harley on my friend's wall. I asked her if it was Dog the bounty hunter. It wasn't, it was her aunt. FML

Today, I saw a picture of a dude on a Harley on my friend's wall. I asked her if it was Dog the bounty hunter. It wasn't, it was her aunt. FML

Today, I locked my car. I put the key in my bag when suddenly my car began to roll backwards. I tried to get the key out of my bag but couldn't find it, and with the other hand I tried to stop the car. The worst thing was that some dumbass was watching me and didn't help. FML

#19499444
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10465) - you deserved it (17089)

On 04/20/2012 at 2:41am - misc - by rabbitoncocaine (woman) - Germany (Thuringen)

Today, during my first day as a doctor’s intern, I attended a consultation. The embarrassed patient asked me to leave. Not really knowing my way around, I went through the first door I could find. By the time I realized it was a closet, I didn’t dare come back out. Twenty minutes is a long time to wait. FML

#19490705
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22501) - you deserved it (4657) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/18/2012 at 4:41pm - work - by bibou2324 -

Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML

#19470748
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6944) - you deserved it (29628)

On 04/15/2012 at 2:49am - love - by needurlove (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

#19463606
582 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11632) - you deserved it (51480) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France

Today, I got sexually excited thinking about what kind of donuts I wanted to get in the morning. FML

#19381776
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20177) - you deserved it (9622)

On 03/31/2012 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to sit in the hospital with my 88-year-old grandfather by myself. During the five hours I was there, he insisted on sharing the intimate details of his many sexcapades that he has had since World War II. FML

#19375039
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19484) - you deserved it (2354)

On 03/30/2012 at 7:32am - intimacy - by kawood (woman) - United States

Today, while walking down the street, I saw a man attacking a woman in an alley. I ran to help, and shoved the man away from her. Except it turns out he wasn't attacking her; he was getting it on with his fiancée. FML

#19363644
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27766) - you deserved it (4722)

On 03/28/2012 at 1:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I emailed my crush an anonymous love letter. It wasn't until twenty minutes later that I realized that the email address I used contained my full name. FML

#19358358
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5189) - you deserved it (27453)

On 03/27/2012 at 5:29pm - love - by LoveBytes - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my mother and I went to a meeting at my school about a camping trip the students in my grade will be going on. When the time to ask questions came, my mother raised her hand and loudly asked, "What if my child is on their period during the trip?" FML

#19281445
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29805) - you deserved it (1886)

On 03/15/2012 at 3:49am - misc - by Bebefer - United States (California)



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