- Town/Country : Not specified
- Title : Miss
- Birth Date : Not specified
- <3 status : Single
- Number of visits : 5129
- Number of comments : 24
- Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted
About omgwtf99 : MUFASA!
About omgwtf99 : MUFASA!
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by nick / 03/05/2011 at 8:42pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
Today, while sleeping, I heard an explosion. My neighbor then knocked on my door and informed me that he had just hit my car with shrapnel from a cannon. Not only do I not have a car to drive, but I also have to put this claim on my insurance due to my neighbor being on welfare. FML
by Anonymous / 03/05/2011 at 7:30pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was performing a show about pirates for a youth program. A child started crying because I wasn't a real pirate. A little girl took my defense: "He's a real pirate, his teeth are all yellow!" FML
by Anonymous / 03/05/2011 at 1:07am / Canada (Quebec) / Kids
by duncanisgey / 03/04/2011 at 5:57pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals
Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML
by Anonymous / 03/03/2011 at 6:22am / United States (California) / Work
by awkward / 02/27/2011 at 7:39am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Work
Today, I made plans with an old friend that I haven't seen in years. We agreed to meet at a diner and I told him I'd be standing outside. I watched him pull up, look right at me, then do something with his phone. Seconds later, I got a text saying "Sorry, but I'm busy today and can't make it." FML
by Angela / 02/26/2011 at 8:56pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by jm_track / 02/26/2011 at 5:59pm / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous
Today, while waiting in line for the ski lift, the lady behind me kept stepping on my skis. Annoyed, I turned around and shouted at her "Get the f*ck off my skis!" Just as the last word escaped my mouth, I noticed that my skis were crossed and it was actually me stepping on them. FML
by bitchyskier / 02/26/2011 at 4:36pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took a busy train into the city. I was lucky enough to get a seat. People were forced to stand in the aisle in front of me, and the person directly opposite me, whose butt was level with my head farted in my face. Twice. FML
by WhatsThatSmell / 02/25/2011 at 8:25am / Australia (Western Australia) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 02/22/2011 at 10:21pm / United States / Love
by CutieBooty / 02/22/2011 at 4:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex while his parents were out. They came home early, ran upstairs and knocked on the door. Scrambling to find our clothes, we gave up and just hid under the blankets. They barge in, drunk and laughing, and tried ripping the covers off. FML
by killmenow / 02/20/2011 at 8:19pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by bob / 02/05/2011 at 7:02am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous