- Town/Country : Not specified
- Title : Miss
- Birth Date : Not specified
- <3 status : Single
- Number of visits : 4936
- Number of comments : 24
- Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted
About omgwtf99 : MUFASA!
About omgwtf99 : MUFASA!
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Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML
by Concert Flatulent / 07/10/2012 at 12:44am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was babysitting a little girl, and we were playing with dolls. After we fed her babies, we put them down for a nap. After a few minutes, I asked if they'd had enough sleep. She looked at me like I was a freak and said, "Uh, they're not real babies, you know..." FML
by friend / 06/29/2012 at 4:48pm / Israel (HaMerkaz) / Kids
Today, I went to the bookstore and saw a stunning girl reading. I walked over and picked up a book, thinking our two books were the same category, hence a good conversation starter. She looked at me, and I pointed at my book and smiled. After that, she left. It was a sex position book. FML
by deli Shoppe / 06/27/2012 at 12:39am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I slammed my middle finger in a drawer. I screamed and my mom came running into the kitchen. She asked me what was wrong, so without thinking I stuck up my middle finger. She hasn't spoken to me since this morning. FML
by anonymous / 06/26/2012 at 2:05am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by hakura madada / 06/22/2012 at 3:41pm / Japan (Tokyo) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/20/2012 at 7:08pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation
by ouch / 06/14/2012 at 7:26am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
by ww2freak / 06/13/2012 at 9:17pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, while at the beach, as a joke, I told my girlfriend that I was a shark. She then poked my eyes and punched me in the nose. When I started to get mad, she just shrugged and asked, "What? You're the one that wanted to be a shark. Don't you watch Shark Week?" FML
by sharkboy / 06/10/2012 at 10:33pm / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in a business meeting. I was giving a Powerpoint presentation to my boss and a few other associates. Then a notification popped up in the middle of my presentation reminding me that I needed to renew my pornhub subscription. FML
by WaffleMan / 06/08/2012 at 7:58am / United States (New Jersey) / Work
Today, during the early hours, I got hungry and went to grab something to eat. I entered the kitchen, only to see my stark-naked dad sitting at the table, eating cereal and reading the paper. He just nodded at me and said, "Son." I think I need a new pair of eyes. FML
by Rohirus / 06/07/2012 at 7:09pm / Sweden / Miscellaneous
by BooBabe / 06/04/2012 at 7:50pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
by lol112 / 06/02/2012 at 8:47am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, Child Protective Services came to my house, because my 7-year-old son told people at school that he was uncomfortable sleeping in his uncle's bed. I had to explain to them that the uncle in question died 2 years ago, and that's why it felt weird. FML
by Anonymous / 06/01/2012 at 3:02am / United States / Kids