About nokkibind : I love animals.
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nokkibind's favorite FMLs
by AlexB / 08/19/2016 at 3:01am / United Kingdom (Blackpool) / Health
by hannax / 08/16/2016 at 1:26pm / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Health
Today, my grandfather gave me a whole box of records to go with my new record player. When I thanked him, he said he'd been needing to get rid of them anyway because classical music makes him horny. I definitely didn't need to know that. FML
by Anonymous / 08/09/2016 at 11:43am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I thought I'd spice things up by kissing my husband on the lips and then working my way down. But about halfway, I got some of his chest hairs lodged in my throat and started gagging. To avoid ruining the mood, I kept going, silently gagging, until we finished. I swallowed the hair. FML
by so unsexy / 08/04/2016 at 5:32pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML
by BatBee / 08/02/2016 at 10:29pm / United States (West Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, while at work as a cashier, one lady's total was $1.32. She handed me the dollar, and then apologized. When I looked at her, confused as to what she was sorry about, she went wrist deep into her bra, grabbed some change, and quickly put it into my hand. It was wet and it smelt. FML
by CliffyB03 / 08/01/2016 at 5:00pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, I went to the eye doctor with my little brother. There were only three chairs and one was occupied by a woman. I sat at the far end, but as soon as I sat down, I heard my little brother yell out loud, "I DON'T WANT TO SIT NEXT TO THE FAT LADY!" FML
by reallydevonte / 08/01/2016 at 1:30pm / United States (Tennessee) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/29/2016 at 4:33pm / Miscellaneous
by sweet / 07/27/2016 at 10:50pm / Transportation
by BodyElectric / 07/26/2016 at 1:06am / Animals
Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left, I was carrying her downstairs and tripped. Try calling your parents from the hospital and explaining that their daughter, who can't even crawl yet, has a broken leg. FML
by ulrika / 07/23/2016 at 9:09pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
by Mj / 07/19/2016 at 8:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I had to visit a new office building for a meeting. Halfway through the meeting, I got really nauseous and needed to throw up. I ran to find a bathroom, but got lost and ended up in a printing room. With no other option, I was forced to puke into a large envelope. FML
by Jesstanothergurl / 07/18/2016 at 3:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by Need To Bathe In Deodorant / 07/17/2016 at 3:23pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Miscellaneous
Today, as I was laying on the bottom part of my bunk bed, I noticed a beam on the underside of the top bunk that seemed to have no place being there, so I tried to find out what it was. I soon discovered it was to support the bed after it promptly collapsed on me. FML
by CallmeTokey / 07/11/2016 at 11:21pm / Miscellaneous