About nokkibind : I love animals.
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nokkibind's favorite FMLs
Today, while at my job as a lifeguard, a little girl got stuck in the shower cubicle because the lock wouldn't open. To get her out, I had to lift the door off the hinges and swing it open, a fairly safe procedure. The hinges broke, though, and I ended up hitting the girl with the door. FML
by caitywebbkid / 10/09/2016 at 7:36am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
by jaimpastaggle / 10/06/2016 at 10:24am / France / Kids
Today, while working at a bank, I helped a customer who was making a large withdrawal. After I counted out his money, I asked "Do you want the strap on?" After a moment of awkward silence, as I realized how that came out, he smiled and said, "No thanks, I don't need one." and winked. Great. FML
by StarDust5921 / 10/03/2016 at 9:55pm / United States (New York) / Work
Today, a street "musician" drummed on buckets directly outside my work for two hours. Right as I was about to lose it, he stopped playing. Within 5 minutes, someone else started playing the saxophone. FML
by bambisapphic / 10/02/2016 at 7:33pm / United States (Colorado) / Work
by b.fritz / 09/24/2016 at 6:02am / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, I tried to have a relaxing soak in the tub. The giant wolf spider that was already in the tub didn't like me trying to set it free outside. It ran right across my feet and back into my house when I dumped it out of a cup outside. I screamed like a little girl. FML
by nopenopenopenope / 09/22/2016 at 11:28pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals
Today, at my job of 2 months, I'd taken it upon myself to water the plants around the office every day since they all looked a little sad. My boss then asked why so many of the fake plants were getting mouldy. My co-workers had watched me water plastic plants for 2 months and nobody bothered to tell me. FML
by knife knife / 09/19/2016 at 8:38pm / United Kingdom (Midlothian) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out what happens when you sleep with a girl your chemistry major friend likes. He put silver nitrate in my body wash and shampoo. I look like I survived an explosion in a Sharpie factory. He says it'll come off "in a few days". FML
by dude i am so sorry / 09/19/2016 at 3:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
by Crapper. / 09/16/2016 at 4:35pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work
by Loose Ends / 09/14/2016 at 7:48pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Drom / 09/14/2016 at 8:20am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by Walking in a Winter Wonderland / 09/12/2016 at 6:51am / United States (Florida) / Health
Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying "If god doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML
by AlexB / 08/19/2016 at 3:01am / United Kingdom (Blackpool) / Health
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…