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Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
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It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (68748) - you deserved it (3075)
On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States
Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38636) - you deserved it (16867)
On 03/11/2013 at 7:33am - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (18592) - you deserved it (33948)
On 01/24/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by chase (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, I visited my family. Over the course of 2 hours, my brother punched me, and my mom slapped me across the face after drinking way too much wine. When I started gathering my things to leave, my mom started crying about how I don't visit enough. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27324) - you deserved it (1939)
On 01/23/2013 at 12:45pm - misc - by mariama (woman) - United States
Today, I found out that there's something my new wife hates more than spiders. Black people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19286) - you deserved it (4099)
On 01/03/2013 at 9:19pm - health - by WellShit (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23890) - you deserved it (2652)
On 12/19/2012 at 12:16am - health - by Igor (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4463) - you deserved it (32276)
On 08/09/2012 at 3:51pm - misc - by feelsterrible (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12775) - you deserved it (21318)
On 04/01/2012 at 10:03am - love - by Jeff make - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35545) - you deserved it (5428)
On 01/02/2012 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my dad got drunk and thought it would be a great idea to clean up the yard by dumping gasoline all over the leaves and lighting our entire front yard on fire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22014) - you deserved it (1565)
On 11/24/2011 at 3:42am - misc - by JWhite - United States (California)
Today, I was given a new nickname at work due to my boss always confusing me with one of my co-workers who is taller than me. Someone suggested he just call us the same name to make it simpler, and the tall one would be big and the short one little. Everyone at my job now calls me Little Dick. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33225) - you deserved it (3323)
On 06/10/2011 at 4:09am - work - by lilben (man) - United States (California)
Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking wet with no pants, glitter in my hair, and holding an empty Skippy peanut butter jar. No one will tell me what happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27715) - you deserved it (15521)
On 05/19/2011 at 9:38pm - misc - by Devon (man) - United States (Vermont)
Today, I locked myself in the bathroom and started spanking the ferret. I started to get really into it when my dad started pounding on the door and yelled, "Son, that's great staying power, but can you finish up already?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (10403) - you deserved it (35939)
On 05/06/2011 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Saudi Arabia
Today, I was told that I am an incredibly boring person and that it's no wonder I have no friends. I think they're right; last night I dreamt about a nail file. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23604) - you deserved it (5035)
On 05/06/2011 at 3:25am - misc - by goinginsane -
Today, I accidentally pocket dialed my sister while I was masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17245) - you deserved it (40329)
On 04/15/2011 at 1:34am - intimacy - by fmyhabit - United States (Utah)
Monday 20 May 2013
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