Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

nightfire2258

Search for a member

nightfire2258
  • Town/Country : Texas, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 808
  • Number of comments : 49
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About nightfire2258 : I'm just another college student getting by on caffeine infusions and ramen noodles. I guess I describe myself as a kind, adventurous, old fashion kind of guy. I enjoy flying, sports, sky diving, animals ect... It's my goal to one day clone and domesticate a Velociraptor. His name will be Jimmy and we will go on daily walks with the sole intent of scaring the crap out of people. Plus it will be awesome playing fetch! (For future reference: No I have not seen your beloved pet and/or loved one!) On the rare occasions I have down time, I enjoy reading, watching a good movie/show or pwning some noobs on XBL (GT: Firenighthawk). If I said something to offend and/or agitate you, please fill out the usual paperwork and submit your grievance to receive a complimentary box of imaginary tissues! If the information that I have provided is insufficient and you are not a psychopathic serial killing stalker, please feel free to message me. Have a wonderful day!

nightfire2258's last visitors

sleepRXatl904MrsHaxxosoccerforlife_27meowimmakatbeach_babe3monkeyy100Gurnircat_marieyo_crushDJisHere11Hiimhaileypotter

nightfire2258's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of nightfire2258's badges

nightfire2258's favorite FMLs

Today, I realized just how clingy my boyfriend is, when he pulled out in the middle of sex, lay down and hugged me, and said in his "adorable" voice that he didn't really want to have sex, but cuddle. I wouldn't mind if it didn't happen so often. FML

#20088123
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26666) - you deserved it (4301)

On 09/25/2012 at 1:42pm - intimacy - by orgasmsareoverratedanyway (woman) - Norway (Nordland)

Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML

#20043181
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20709) - you deserved it (2516)

On 08/26/2012 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told a patient that we needed to collect a stool sample. I left the room momentarily to retrieve what the patient would need. He apparently didn't need anything besides the counter in the exam room. FML

#19951695
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18752) - you deserved it (1776)

On 07/17/2012 at 8:54pm - work - by TimeForACareerChange (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it appropriate to let me know that doing the "duck face" in my Facebook pictures "highlights my mustache." FML

#19951439
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5954) - you deserved it (49273)

On 07/17/2012 at 7:30pm - love - by mustachio101 (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML

#19738484
343 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25782) - you deserved it (2929)

On 06/05/2012 at 1:21pm - love - by why... (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML

#19701580
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19789) - you deserved it (1057)

On 05/29/2012 at 9:55pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was re-watching my wedding video. As I was walking down the aisle, you could hear my grandfather mutter "Here comes the bride, all fat and wide." FML

#19250410
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32692) - you deserved it (4944)

On 03/10/2012 at 9:20am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my husband and I went to our first counseling sessions, where the main focus was communication. When the therapist called us in together to discuss techniques we could use at home, my husband looked around, rolled his eyes, and responded with, "Uh huh" to every question. FML

#19144209
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16940) - you deserved it (2549)

On 02/23/2012 at 2:59am - love - by atsukobo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML

#19063795
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31354) - you deserved it (2172)

On 02/13/2012 at 7:03am - health - by loveinanelevator (man) -

Today, after my credit card was stolen, the thief made donations to charitable associations. Now I feel bad for asking for the money back. FML

#18973351
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32022) - you deserved it (3102)

On 02/01/2012 at 11:35pm - money - by zobara - Switzerland

Today, I waited on an elderly man whose wife had just left him. After him going on and on about how his dog will love his leftover chicken, I nervously caught a case of verbal diarrhea and uttered, "Well, if there's chicken involved, I'll get on my knees and be your dog." FML

#18886717
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7511) - you deserved it (21626)

On 01/23/2012 at 12:12am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML

#18864216
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28791) - you deserved it (5058)

On 01/20/2012 at 6:54pm - intimacy - by suffersecks - United States

Today, I got really bored so I posted on Facebook "Someone should kidnap me for the day." My mom commented, "The only things willing to kidnap you are aliens, and that would be because they'd mistaken you for a cow." 16 people liked her comment. FML

#18860865
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32633) - you deserved it (9600)

On 01/20/2012 at 10:15am - misc - by LonerCow (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML

#18844188
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27264) - you deserved it (4507)

On 01/18/2012 at 1:29pm - intimacy - by anon - United Kingdom

Today, I went to dinner to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I received a text message, so I pulled out my phone to check. Apparently, his parents have a "No phone at the table rule" and took my phone away until I can learn "proper table manners." FML

#18542598
306 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14822) - you deserved it (39124)

On 12/18/2011 at 4:59am - misc - by grounded - United States (Texas)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: