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By Anonymous - / Saturday 28 February 2015 18:11 / United States - Portland
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By  ohjoy15  |  32

It's really hard to feel sorry for you here when you opened an envelope that wasn't yours. Especially one that said "private and confidential" as a last chance warning. Totally deserved it.

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  gabechriswill  |  16

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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  Echoa21  |  18

Parents still need to respect their child's privacy. Unless there is a lot of evidence showing that your kid's doing something wrong, then you really shouldn't be opening their things, especially if it says "Private" right on it.

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  mom_of_5  |  10

It may be a parent's right, but it is also the child's right to have privacy. I would have discussed it with my child before opening anything marked private and confidential. It's a complete YDI. Giving your child privacy helps them to trust that they can come to you in the future with any issue.

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  sweatynate  |  13

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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  toaster87  |  19

Although I agree that, through a legal standpoint, a child under your care doesn't have to be given privacy, IMO you should respect your child enough to give them their privacy, unless they have given you reason to not trust or respect their decisions.

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  ChristianH39  |  27

It might not be a legal right, but if you're the kind of parent that peeks into every corner of your kids life for no reason, you're a crappy one. If you constantly treat your kid like a suspect they're going to start acting like one.

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  sweatynate  |  13

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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  kylieh72  |  25

The privacy of the content of an envelope is the right to anyone, as it is illegal to open another person's mail. It wasn't necessarily mail but, if we're talking about legal rights, that is a fact.

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  lilchica22001  |  22

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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#67, I pity your children. I hope that when they finally get out of YOUR house, they remove themselves from you and get the privacy they deserve. And when you're old and in need of care, they can make your life miserable by not respecting you the way you didn't respect them, because it is THEIR money paying for your nursing home.

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  Mc_Knapkins  |  10

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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  PSYqualiac  |  17

No child should have the fear of their privacy being removed #67, and if you think snooping through their things with no reason is right, you are a terrible parent. I knew my parents didn't snoop because I set up similar traps. even the CIA wouldn't have been able to get around all of them. If you give your child reason not to trust you, they will NEVER come to you for help or advice when they need it. I knew my dad wasn't trying to do anything except raise me right. He didn't try reading my journals without first asking me, he didn't go through my things. I left a box in the living room on accident, and he returned it to my room, put it on my bed, and left a note saying when I got home, he wanted to know what was in the box because I had been acting suspiciously recently. It was just trading cards, but still... he didn't look and do anything, the safeguards were still in place, and I opened it for him and showed him. Most of my safeguards early on were out of suspicion of parents snooping, but later on was just room security because there were some robberies in my neighborhood. Needless to say, if my parents snooped, I wouldn't have had the relationship with them I did. My dad is a good man and while he's hard headed, I learned my best qualities from him. But he taught me that if you trust people, you're more likely to get the truth from them... just don't be blind to the truth because you trust them too much.

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  huffy2310  |  10

I wouldn't be so certain about them not paying for things, when I was just a kid my mum used to make me get a job and pay rent to live at home and she still would open all of my mail and not respect my privacy

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  crazymadimadz  |  12

#67 because that child had a choice to live right? and choose to live under your roof? You can't own a person, you have responsibility of them, there is a difference. They are not slaves, they don't owe you anything, other than respect that they should have for you, for having them under your roof, what if they are under 18 and have a job and buy something out of their hard earned money? I guess you own that too huh? even though they earned it.

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Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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  mike3775  |  26

Wow some very harsh parents or soon to be parents here. I have 10 kids and at no time have I ever intruded into their private lives unless I have had cause to(only once). That's probably why my kids feel that they can come to me when they need help. I would never treat my kids like property, they are living human beings that have the same basic rights I have, even though I am responsible for them.

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  cantik20  |  5

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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  LordMuffin11  |  15

When I was a kid my mom regularly went through all of my stuff. The older I got, the more she snooped. I never liked to tell her anything important in my life because to her it was me giving her permission to go into my room and listen in on phone conversations with my friends (back before cell phones) to try and find if there were any details I hadn't shared. I probably would have shared more with my mom if I didn't feel like it was going to turn into an investigation of every personal thought I ever had. Trust your kids to tell you the important things and they won't be afraid to share.

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  randompizzaguy  |  17

#67 A kid isn't property. You don't get to treat them as such. You gave birth to them, sure. But they didn't choose any of the things you're specifying. While you can punish them for doing things wrong, you aren't privy to all of their secrets and life. Life is about independence, I sincerely hope you're not speaking out of experience, because as your child I'm sure instead of confronting you with my issues, I'd let them spiral out of control. Parents like these are part of the reason (sadly) that children commit suicide. They don't feel they have anyone to share things with, and they get all of their thoughts and emotions trapped inside corroding themselves into a breaking point. And even if they did tell a parent, they'd probably overreact and snoop even harder. A Parents job is to guide, Not to control.

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  gabwielle  |  8

It's the law? I understand for children but I'm guessing OP's son is a teenager and teenagers gain all privacy once 13. Everything a teen tells their doctor is confidential and the parent isn't allowed to know without the teen's consent. A parent can't know anything unless it's an emergency situation. Parents go to extremes to prevent their teens from knowing how to have sex so their teen won't know "what to do." That's what planned parenthood is for. They'll never tell parent. Only abortions are to be told because it's a surgical procedure and complications are a probability in all surgeries.

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  PurpleSprite  |  7

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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  PurpleSprite  |  7

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  PurpleSprite  |  7

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  Sillsallad  |  15

You've got to be kidding! EVERYONE have a right for privacy - children aren't there to be owned, they are human being with emotions and needs, just like you. It's scary to think someone think they are entitled to know everything about someone else because they pay the bills. Seriously, wtf? I would have been so embarrassed if my parents read my diary, it was full of "Oh, this teddy bear had a fight with that one, and Ted wore a really cute sweater to school". Nothing harmful, but MY own sphere as a child. It's a matter of trust, if you snoop around, your kids will never really confide in you - especially if something's wrong.

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  Just_A_Tree  |  20

When I was younger, I would tell my mom everything. Every little thing. But my brother would as well. And she would tell me things my brother told her in private that were very sensitive things. It wasn't till middle school when she started a conversation with "Your brother told me something and asked me not to tell you, but..." and the question of "Why the fuck are you telling me if he didn't want you to tell me?" And my trust and respect for my mom went from very strong to non existent in half a heartbeat. I still struggle to talk to her, because I realized that she would tell any personal thing of mine to my brother as well. It went from me being able to tell her anything to me not saying anything and only getting mad when she asked in such little time she was just confused and frustrated. Seriously, don't betray your kids trust. Because you won't be given many options if any at all to earn it back.

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  Just_A_Tree  |  20

I just read some of the other comments and I got this to add. I have letters I get from a friend whom I may or may not romantically like, that isn't the important part. The important part is that those are very personal and private letters. I'm the type of person where if I caught you going through my letters without talking to me first, there will be hell to pay. You think I'm joking? Let me know how your day is when there are 25 set mouse traps hidden around your room. I haven't had the reason to do anything like that because I live in a house of decent people. But if you think I wouldn't, then try me.

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  kittycatkelss  |  20

To everyone saying that kids are owned and that the parents pay everything, I call bullshit. You don't know their story, I paid all my own bills as soon so I turned 14. I bought my own stuff, paid my phone bill, and gave whatever I could in rent. Maybe OP's child has a job and does too. And also, you don't own your children. Pretty sure there's laws against child slavery.

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  Retaheki  |  27

I also have my 2¢ to add. I can safely trust my mom when she borrows my phone, I don't think she'll check my history, call log, texts or apps because she's not a snooper (and that my apps are categorized and I'm never called.) I can hand her ANYTHING of my own while I go somewhere I can't possibly watch, and trust she won't peek. I have privacy, even when my mom is right behind me while I'm on my laptop, because she isn't a snooper. If she had reason to believe a folder marked confidential under my bed was filled with something bad like Shrek porn, she's gonna check it. Hell, I remember when I was watching No Game, No Life (ecchi anime, which is any category of anime with sexual overtones, like Family Guy with less racism and more boobs) and there was a lot of moaning in a nonsexual scene with my sister in the same room within clear earshot, and she didn't even flinch, because she could trust I wasn't watching Japanese porn oor something. Obviously she commented on it, and I didn't need to show her the scene for her to believe me. I still grew up to be a good kid (and I'm still growing) and I don't get into bad crowds, or attack people. I get my privacy and I'm fine. That my 2¢ (more like $2) on the matter.

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  Just_A_Tree  |  20

You're very lucky to trust your family like that. It almost hurts when my mom try's to talk to me about stuff, but I won't be open. But I just can't trust her with anything. And it almost hurts when she asks why I won't talk with her, and I want so bad to just say it that I don't trust her one bit, and that I have over time just lost respect. I've lost respect in seeing how she is, how she talks about her "friends" or family, how she is when she's drunk. I just lost respect. I still try and be kind, I still try and love her. But it's so hard all the time. I don't want to imagine just how much worse it could get if she blatantly disrespected my privacy. Whatever is there now would be gone, whatever fake smile I use that has been working would be gone. I want to trust her. But I feel too much has been shown for me to ever trust her. But I still try and love her...

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  Ltsdragons  |  19

Just because your parents pay for your food and your home and your clothes, it doesn't give them automatic rights to look through your stuff unless they have a good reason. If it literally says "PRIVATE" and you don't have any reasons to be concerned about your child I see absolutely no reason for why you should be opening it. My dad always did that, and it was a letter that I was going to give to him for his birthday when I was about 5. I had put "DO NOT OPEN" and he did. I took a long time to start to trust my dad again. Like when I got a girlfriend, I didn't want to tell him, and even now I'm still unsure about some things that I want to tell him. It's more of a trust bond, if you trust your child, give them some privacy with the things they do. My mother on the other hand was more of a "Leave it alone" type person so I tended to go to her more than my dad. I'm not saying completely desert your child, but you need to respect that they are human beings, and they also need some privacy

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  riddick160  |  3

Actually you are wrong. As a law student, a child has ZERO rights to privacy except in very rare and extreme circumstances. Mail is not one of those exceptions. And as this was not a piece of delivered mail but simply an envelope marked private, there is no right to privacy. That being said, as a parent I have to agree with the many posters, we need to respect our children and give them privacy until such a time that they violate and break that trust.

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  riddick160  |  3

No actually it's not, from a legal stand point a child has no rights to privacy from the parents, the right to privacy only matters when it's the government wanting to search something. It's protection from the government. But parents should respect their children enough to give them privacy.

By  ohjoy15  |  32

It's really hard to feel sorry for you here when you opened an envelope that wasn't yours. Especially one that said "private and confidential" as a last chance warning. Totally deserved it.

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  SMHsohard  |  22

One of the first things I taught my daughter was that I would always trust her, unless she ever gave me a reason not to, in which case her ass would be mine until SHE was old and gray. She was allowed her privacy, if her door was closed, I knocked and waited until she said "come in", and I never snooped in her personal stuff. Never had to. My parents raised me the same way; sometimes growing up to be like them isn't such a bad thing.

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  jeffcox99  |  10

i dont feel like this is a privacy thing. if i was her i woulda opened it too just outa sheer curiosity haha. it was probably just too intriguing not to open haha

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  chitochito  |  16

Congrats, this comment has the most upvotes I've ever seen. Most I've ever gotten was just over 100, so to see a whopping 881 is definitely something to be proud of.

By  fitup77  |  16

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  Garnetshaddow  |  29

My mom used to "clean" in my room just to snoop. We also have very different systems for making the bed, folding clothes and organization in general. It drove me crazy because my space wasn't mine AND I couldn't find anything. No need for gratitude if the person isn't actually doing you a favor!

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  fitup77  |  16

Yes I do know. I wasn't exactly a good kid but now that I have my own, I understand both sides. Privacy as a daughter? Needed definitely. Wanting to see what my kid's life is like and what he's dealing with? Also yes.

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  Jinxsie  |  27

The only stuff my parents ever opened were the progress reports that got mailed home from school. They never touched any of my other envelopes and mail. Even personal ones from other family members mailed to me weren't opened. Unless you know something is up, SOME things just should NOT be touched. Internet included, depending on the web pages.

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  Jinxsie  |  27

If you want to know what your child's life is like and find out what they're dealing with then make time to bond with them. Be a postive influence. You won't do that by invading their privacy.

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  rockwrench  |  18

Not so sure you didn't get a bum wrap on the down votes #9. Depending on her child, she may be trying to find what may be troubling him if hes acting out. Parents will do anything to help their child. Now if he or she is an adult, they need to get their own place. Regardless, I would never treat my mom like that.

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