About nightfire2258 : I'm just another college student getting by on caffeine infusions and ramen noodles. I hope to one day clone and domesticate a Velociraptor. His name will be Jimmy and we will go on daily walks with the sole intent of scaring the crap out of people. Plus it will be awesome playing fetch! (For future reference: No I have not seen your beloved pet and/or loved one!) On the rare occasions I have down time, I enjoy reading, watching a good movie/show, or hanging out with friends. Yes my picture is intentionally blurry. It adds mystery and keeps the stalkers at bay. If I said something to offend and/or agitate you, please fill out the usual paperwork and submit your grievance to receive a complimentary box of imaginary tissues! If the information that I have provided is insufficient and you are not a psychopathic serial killing stalker, please feel free to message me.
nightfire2258's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
nightfire2258's favorite FMLs
by Birthday Surprise / 05/26/2014 at 5:18pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my brother tried to give my dog a walk by attaching an RC helicopter to the leash and following him while flying it. He broke the RC helicopter which cost 300 dollars, and we had to search for the dog for 3 hours. FML
by Ace / 05/21/2014 at 5:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, my wrists were hurting really bad while working the production line. I was told to let my supervisor know so he can help accommodate it. Both supervisors responded by ending my employment there to make sure I don't suffer long term damage. FML
by mousiepie / 05/02/2014 at 5:36am / United States (California) / Work
Today, while showering, I pulled on my white exfoliating gloves ready to wash my face. As I was about to use them, a dark stain caught my eye so I sniffed the mark only to discover it was poo. After further investigation, I find out my younger sister had been wearing them and 'experimenting'. FML
by AshleyP / 04/04/2014 at 10:17am / United Kingdom / Kids
by JustClaire95 / 03/17/2014 at 7:58am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any time I would send him something, he would reply, "What?" or "What do you mean?" Either I'm not doing this right, or I'm in a relationship with the most innocent person ever. FML
by Anonymous / 03/14/2014 at 12:06am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Kyra.45 / 10/03/2013 at 6:46pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by kelbel89 / 10/01/2013 at 5:46pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML
by Undercooked / 09/24/2013 at 3:08pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML
by dear god help me. / 09/04/2013 at 6:46pm / United States (Hawaii) / Work
Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML
by Anonymous / 09/03/2013 at 12:13am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, a guy started taking a leak beside me at the urinal. Evidently he figured he wasn't being enough of a cockbite, because he looked at my junk, laughed, "HAH!" then broke down into hysterics and totally lost control of his stream. I smell like piss. FML
by hardee fucking har yourself, sir / 08/07/2013 at 6:00pm / United Kingdom (Stockport) / Miscellaneous
by tigger2013 / 08/03/2013 at 12:01am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, I agreed to lend my daughter's inflatable pool to my neighbor for the day. Barely an hour later, I witnessed his son jump off their balcony, missing the pool by inches. He's now in hospital, and my neighbor has sworn to sue me, saying I'm responsible because the pool is mine. FML
by getmeoutofthiscountry / 07/19/2013 at 3:06pm / United States / Kids
by needsnewshorts / 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
- Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me,… Today, after recently moving to Australia, I saw my first kangaroo. In the refrigerated section of… Today, I’m teaching French in a university in India. One of the students asked me if Paris was the…