nightfire2258

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nightfire2258

16Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2690
  • Number of comments : 51
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About nightfire2258 : I'm just another college student getting by on caffeine infusions and ramen noodles. I hope to one day clone and domesticate a Velociraptor. His name will be Jimmy and we will go on daily walks with the sole intent of scaring the crap out of people. Plus it will be awesome playing fetch! (For future reference: No I have not seen your beloved pet and/or loved one!) On the rare occasions I have down time, I enjoy reading, watching a good movie/show, or hanging out with friends. Yes my picture is intentionally blurry. It adds mystery and keeps the stalkers at bay. If I said something to offend and/or agitate you, please fill out the usual paperwork and submit your grievance to receive a complimentary box of imaginary tissues! If the information that I have provided is insufficient and you are not a psychopathic serial killing stalker, please feel free to message me.

nightfire2258's page activity

Visits<b>FuckThisLogin</b> - the 06/12/2016 at 7:30am<b>juliaafaulkner</b> - the 04/19/2016 at 4:42pm<b>anonymous0110902</b> - the 04/08/2016 at 9:45am<b>big_sam1991</b> - the 01/30/2016 at 1:02am<b>EvilTurtle</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 9:12am<b>Hilda_x</b> - the 12/22/2015 at 2:34pm<b>hrebnym</b> - the 12/10/2015 at 10:44pm<b>hardcorefan16</b> - the 12/10/2015 at 6:43pm<b>bethyc4</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 1:26am<b>imarlee98</b> - the 09/28/2015 at 12:43pm<b>MDoremis</b> - the 09/16/2015 at 9:48pm<b>RoseWithThorns</b> - the 09/16/2015 at 3:04am<b>kaileekristine</b> - the 09/13/2015 at 2:09am<b>derangedplanet</b> - the 09/10/2015 at 11:24am<b>BandAid1865</b> - the 08/12/2015 at 8:39pm<b>Mons</b> - the 08/12/2015 at 3:12pm<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 08/08/2015 at 2:48pm<b>batah</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 3:47am

Fucked!<b>imarlee98</b> - the 09/28/2015 at 4:46am<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 11:01pm<b>FitFriday</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 7:07am<b>Exaspera</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 7:26am<b>ksks1234</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 11:49pm<b>MDoremis</b> - the 02/22/2015 at 9:46am<b>clrichmond2009</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 3:34am<b>ashleyyeah</b> - the 02/04/2015 at 4:53am<b>RoseWithThorns</b> - the 01/21/2015 at 6:51am<b>hrebnym</b> - the 01/07/2015 at 2:14am<b>keithsbooty</b> - the 01/06/2015 at 7:18am<b>annequenneville</b> - the 12/27/2014 at 5:30am<b>annapanda143</b> - the 12/25/2014 at 2:52am<b>summer135790</b> - the 11/30/2014 at 4:37am<b>TheCitizens96</b> - the 11/22/2014 at 7:10am<b>touch_the_sky_77</b> - the 11/22/2014 at 5:47am

nightfire2258's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

See all of nightfire2258's badges

nightfire2258's favorite FMLs

Today, my parents thought it would be a great surprise to accidentally shoot me in the leg for my birthday. FML

by Birthday Surprise / 05/26/2014 at 5:18pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother tried to give my dog a walk by attaching an RC helicopter to the leash and following him while flying it. He broke the RC helicopter which cost 300 dollars, and we had to search for the dog for 3 hours. FML

by Ace / 05/21/2014 at 5:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my wrists were hurting really bad while working the production line. I was told to let my supervisor know so he can help accommodate it. Both supervisors responded by ending my employment there to make sure I don't suffer long term damage. FML

by mousiepie / 05/02/2014 at 5:36am / United States (California) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while showering, I pulled on my white exfoliating gloves ready to wash my face. As I was about to use them, a dark stain caught my eye so I sniffed the mark only to discover it was poo. After further investigation, I find out my younger sister had been wearing them and 'experimenting'. FML

by AshleyP / 04/04/2014 at 10:17am / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, my dad told me that I can't wear leggings on Friday nights, because, "your butt is too distracting for my poker buddies." FML

by JustClaire95 / 03/17/2014 at 7:58am / United States (California) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any time I would send him something, he would reply, "What?" or "What do you mean?" Either I'm not doing this right, or I'm in a relationship with the most innocent person ever. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2014 at 12:06am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

by Kyra.45 / 10/03/2013 at 6:46pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, at the age of 23, I brought my boyfriend over to meet my parents. My father swabbed his mouth for DNA and fingerprinted him. FML

by kelbel89 / 10/01/2013 at 5:46pm / United States (Texas) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML

by Undercooked / 09/24/2013 at 3:08pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML

by dear god help me. / 09/04/2013 at 6:46pm / United States (Hawaii) / Work

Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML

by Anonymous / 09/03/2013 at 12:13am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, a guy started taking a leak beside me at the urinal. Evidently he figured he wasn't being enough of a cockbite, because he looked at my junk, laughed, "HAH!" then broke down into hysterics and totally lost control of his stream. I smell like piss. FML

by hardee fucking har yourself, sir / 08/07/2013 at 6:00pm / United Kingdom (Stockport) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife of 12 years informed me that the only sexual activity she is interested in is foreplay, and she absolutely doesn't want to go any further than that anymore. FML

by tigger2013 / 08/03/2013 at 12:01am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I agreed to lend my daughter's inflatable pool to my neighbor for the day. Barely an hour later, I witnessed his son jump off their balcony, missing the pool by inches. He's now in hospital, and my neighbor has sworn to sue me, saying I'm responsible because the pool is mine. FML

by getmeoutofthiscountry / 07/19/2013 at 3:06pm / United States / Kids

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

by needsnewshorts / 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy