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nightfire2258

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nightfire2258
  • Town/Country : Texas, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 805
  • Number of comments : 49
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About nightfire2258 : I'm just another college student getting by on caffeine infusions and ramen noodles. I guess I describe myself as a kind, adventurous, old fashion kind of guy. I enjoy flying, sports, sky diving, animals ect... It's my goal to one day clone and domesticate a Velociraptor. His name will be Jimmy and we will go on daily walks with the sole intent of scaring the crap out of people. Plus it will be awesome playing fetch! (For future reference: No I have not seen your beloved pet and/or loved one!) On the rare occasions I have down time, I enjoy reading, watching a good movie/show or pwning some noobs on XBL (GT: Firenighthawk). If I said something to offend and/or agitate you, please fill out the usual paperwork and submit your grievance to receive a complimentary box of imaginary tissues! If the information that I have provided is insufficient and you are not a psychopathic serial killing stalker, please feel free to message me. Have a wonderful day!

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nightfire2258's favorite FMLs

Today, while showering, I pulled on my white exfoliating gloves ready to wash my face. As I was about to use them, a dark stain caught my eye so I sniffed the mark only to discover it was poo. After further investigation, I find out my younger sister had been wearing them and 'experimenting'. FML

#21104331
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39241) - you deserved it (3588)

On 04/04/2014 at 10:17am - kids - by AshleyP - United Kingdom

Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any time I would send him something, he would reply, "What?" or "What do you mean?" Either I'm not doing this right, or I'm in a relationship with the most innocent person ever. FML

#21086172
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39410) - you deserved it (5017)

On 03/14/2014 at 12:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

#20906275
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30026) - you deserved it (25820)

On 10/03/2013 at 6:46pm - intimacy - by Kyra.45 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, at the age of 23, I brought my boyfriend over to meet my parents. My father swabbed his mouth for DNA and fingerprinted him. FML

Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML

#20894470
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44846) - you deserved it (3994)

On 09/24/2013 at 3:08pm - misc - by Undercooked (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML

#20867818
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41212) - you deserved it (2718)

On 09/04/2013 at 6:46pm - work - by dear god help me. - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML

#20865525
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39529) - you deserved it (4318)

On 09/03/2013 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a guy started taking a leak beside me at the urinal. Evidently he figured he wasn't being enough of a cockbite, because he looked at my junk, laughed, "HAH!" then broke down into hysterics and totally lost control of his stream. I smell like piss. FML

#20825918
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43342) - you deserved it (3425)

On 08/07/2013 at 6:00pm - misc - by hardee fucking har yourself, sir (man) - United Kingdom (Stockport)

Today, my wife of 12 years informed me that the only sexual activity she is interested in is foreplay, and she absolutely doesn't want to go any further than that anymore. FML

#20817944
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47410) - you deserved it (3805)

On 08/03/2013 at 12:01am - intimacy - by tigger2013 (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I agreed to lend my daughter's inflatable pool to my neighbor for the day. Barely an hour later, I witnessed his son jump off their balcony, missing the pool by inches. He's now in hospital, and my neighbor has sworn to sue me, saying I'm responsible because the pool is mine. FML

#20792517
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51880) - you deserved it (3407)

On 07/19/2013 at 3:06pm - kids - by getmeoutofthiscountry (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

#20785133
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53060) - you deserved it (18206)

On 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm - intimacy - by needsnewshorts (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was the second anniversary of the day I met my girlfriend. I had to go to work, but I set an engagement ring and a letter on my pillow for when she woke up, and left breakfast for her on the counter. When I got home, she and all of her things were gone. FML

#20742451
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56177) - you deserved it (8343)

On 06/23/2013 at 10:42am - love - by foreveralone (man) - United States

Today, my dad invited our very cute neighbor inside to introduce him to me. I was wearing pajamas and hadn't showered in two days due to being extremely sick. FML

#20741405
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42962) - you deserved it (4587)

On 06/22/2013 at 6:59pm - misc - by Selina - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I walked in on my dad masturbating to a nude photo of my mum on the computer. She passed away four years ago. FML

#20713899
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65314) - you deserved it (12156)

On 06/08/2013 at 4:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Bromley)

Today, I drove 2 hours to my sister's wedding, only to find out my invitation was sent to me by mistake. She had me kicked out. FML

#20712353
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51586) - you deserved it (3770)

On 06/07/2013 at 8:16pm - misc - by hopeyoushityourintestinesout (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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