Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

newzealand

Offline (yesterday at 9:33pm) | Search for a member

newzealand

4Liked!

newzealandnewzealand
  • Town/Country : Christchurch, New Zealand
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 3 May 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2754
  • Number of comments : 117
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

About newzealand : I'm Mike, I just got back from two months in North America, mostly the states. Well and truly have the travel bug now! I've got my eye on Europe next, but could happily stay in America forever.
Feel free to send me a message!
Kik : mikesimpson35

newzealand's page activity

Visits<b>GanJwAR15</b> - yesterday at 5:56pm<b>JakeMann215</b> - yesterday at 4:09pm<b>jmcgee17</b> - yesterday at 1:12pm<b>rocketiquette</b> - yesterday at 9:05am<b>rabbit_yogurt</b> - yesterday at 8:29am<b>purplhaze88</b> - the 10/27/2014 at 5:32pm<b>lisaint</b> - the 10/27/2014 at 2:00pm<b>DestinyNiya</b> - the 10/27/2014 at 8:00am<b>swarm20</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 7:59am<b>bombielol</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 4:34am<b>qdawg06</b> - the 10/25/2014 at 2:39am<b>pistachiopanda</b> - the 10/24/2014 at 11:21pm<b>yuzuhere</b> - the 10/24/2014 at 11:13pm<b>sorryheadphones</b> - the 10/24/2014 at 9:20pm<b>Swedish_Eagle</b> - the 10/24/2014 at 6:11pm<b>josh2014</b> - the 10/24/2014 at 12:43pm<b>annarcheer</b> - the 10/24/2014 at 12:33pm<b>ilovefood17</b> - the 10/24/2014 at 12:03pm

Liked!<b>Jellybellybeanz</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 10:40pm<b>ilovefood17</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 5:13am<b>bellles</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 3:47am<b>Nevracceptdefeat</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 3:07am

newzealand's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of newzealand's badges

newzealand's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML

#20925183
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27205) - you deserved it (39037)

On 10/18/2013 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, after more than six years of working my ass off, I finally summoned the courage to ask my boss for a raise. She just chuckled, "I'm gonna need you to eat a dick, John." and stared at me unblinking until I awkwardly left. FML

#20790691
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46566) - you deserved it (3798)

On 07/18/2013 at 3:53pm - work - by no new apartment for me (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML

#18822523
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34865) - you deserved it (14238)

On 01/16/2012 at 6:09am - love - by Crashburn (woman) - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, I broke my leg while trying to show my friend how I broke my other leg. FML

#17342308
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21733) - you deserved it (66242)

On 08/02/2011 at 10:17am - health - by chinchilla4404 (woman) - United States

Today, I was sitting next to a lady on an airplane who was very overweight. She fell asleep on me, and violently bled from her nose upon take off and landing. FML

#16791372
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34090) - you deserved it (2684)

On 06/22/2011 at 12:03am - misc - by ifmlftw - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML

#16614936
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28946) - you deserved it (6707)

On 06/11/2011 at 6:36pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML

#15962479
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44880) - you deserved it (4803)

On 04/28/2011 at 11:53am - animals - by Cecilly2010 -

Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML

#15922476
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49213) - you deserved it (5784)

On 04/25/2011 at 5:39pm - misc - by Mike -

Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML

#15922476
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49213) - you deserved it (5784)

On 04/25/2011 at 5:39pm - misc - by Mike -

Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML

#15922476
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49213) - you deserved it (5784)

On 04/25/2011 at 5:39pm - misc - by Mike -

Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML

#15922476
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49213) - you deserved it (5784)

On 04/25/2011 at 5:39pm - misc - by Mike -

Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML

#15922476
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49213) - you deserved it (5784)

On 04/25/2011 at 5:39pm - misc - by Mike -

Today, at 6am I was waiting for the tram to go home from my late night job. A homeless man came up to me and offered to buy me a beer because "guys like us have to stick together." FML

#15754863
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30100) - you deserved it (4493)

On 04/12/2011 at 12:02pm - misc - by ihaveahome (man) - Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha)

Today, my girlfriend openly admitted to me that she wouldn't have gone out with me if she hadn't been drunk. FML

#15747927
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30165) - you deserved it (3774)

On 04/11/2011 at 10:58pm - love - by drunkluv - Australia

Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML

#15514877
354 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42015) - you deserved it (28655)

On 03/27/2011 at 2:09pm - misc - by rowie1311 (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: