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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 9185
  • Number of comments : 749
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's page activity

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Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, after taking my girlfriend on a date, she invited me back to her place for "hot coffee and dessert". Excitedly, I said yes. When we got there, we actually had coffee and dessert. When I told her this wasn't what I'd had in mind, she kicked me out for being a pervert. FML

#8974087
383 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8756) - you deserved it (59943)

On 03/10/2010 at 4:12pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my parents took my laptop, cut the Internet, took my car keys and TV, and removed my bedroom door. Why? Because they thought the plant I was growing for my science project was a marijuana plant. Oh yeah, they took that too. My presentation is tomorrow. FML

#8965755
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32490) - you deserved it (2378)

On 03/10/2010 at 3:39am - misc - by Kevin - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I was babysitting. Being kind, I went to grab their mail, while their 4 year old ate lunch. He locked me out, wrecked the house, and let me in right when he saw their car two hours later. I didn't get paid. I paid them. FML

#8944596
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25741) - you deserved it (8467)

On 03/09/2010 at 12:19pm - kids - by lockedoutbabysitter (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my roommate confronted me about my eating disorder. She described in length how emaciated my chest has become and how she wants to help. Except I don't have an eating disorder. My sternum is deformed and I have only recently become confident enough to wear low-cut tops. FML

#8940307
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33982) - you deserved it (2251)

On 03/09/2010 at 3:57am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I ran into my manipulative ex-boyfriend at a party. We were chatting and I mentioned that the guys I have been seeing lately all turn out to be jerks. He says "yeah well you dumped me and don't deserve to be happy." Apparently he has been creeping and scaring off any guys interested in me. FML

#8938160
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29379) - you deserved it (3565)

On 03/09/2010 at 1:04am - love - by fu2then (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, after puking all over the bathroom and my legs, I called my husband for sympathy. The first thing he says is "Did you cry?" and when I answered no, instead of wishing me better he quickly exclaimed "WHO'S MY BIG GIRL!" FML

#8923957
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20041) - you deserved it (6086)

On 03/08/2010 at 5:40pm - health - by gotitEVERYWHERE (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my mother-in-law grounded me because I went to the store in the "dangerous" rain. My husband says that if I don't obey then we won't work out. FML

#8916783
307 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35298) - you deserved it (4394)

On 03/08/2010 at 10:12am - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking through the mall with my husband. We came across a guy who was selling some weight loss pills. He tried to sell me some and I kindly declined. He told me not to deny my weight problems. Thanks. I'm 7 months pregnant. FML

#8859740
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25674) - you deserved it (2326)

On 03/06/2010 at 12:16am - health - by KateD - United States (Illinois)

Today, the bartender pulled me aside and told me that she saw my date slip something into my drink. Who was my date? My husband of four years. FML

#8790917
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31439) - you deserved it (2327)

On 03/03/2010 at 12:37am - misc - by holycrap (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while at McDonald's, I saw an 8 year old girl licking a life-size Ronald McDonald sitting on a bench. Being concerned, I told her mother who then yelled at me for 10 minutes for being a "paedophile" and "being turned on by an 8 year old girl." FML

#8781729
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26137) - you deserved it (2544)

On 03/02/2010 at 8:20pm - misc - by JackG - United States (Montana)

Today, I was at the gym with my boyfriend. He is a bit feminine, but it has never really bothered me. Until I realised I was lifting heavier weights than he was. FML

#8742158
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25333) - you deserved it (8418)

On 03/01/2010 at 3:53am - love - by Delilah (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, my boyfriend and I were asleep. Evidently, he was dreaming about being a UFC fighter, because, out of no where, he grabs the back of my head and punches me in the nose. I haven't been able to breathe right out of my nose all day. FML

#8687085
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24995) - you deserved it (2696)

On 02/27/2010 at 11:06am - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, my fiancée and I were selecting our wedding cake. The wedding is now off since I refused to buy her the "dream" wedding cake she wanted because it was chocolate. She called me childish and cheap. I'm highly allergic to chocolate. FML

#8642847
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36725) - you deserved it (3116)

On 02/25/2010 at 4:47pm - misc - by Ringless - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had my final economics exam, and needed to ace it, or else I would fail the entire module. After studying all day yesterday, and pulling an all-nighter today, I managed to pull it off and get a perfect score. Unfortunately, my teacher didn't believe that it was possible, and accused me of cheating. Now I may be thrown out of college. FML

#8617932
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36828) - you deserved it (2572)

On 02/24/2010 at 4:28pm - misc - by koolkidx3 - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had my final economics exam, and needed to ace it, or else I would fail the entire module. After studying all day yesterday, and pulling an all-nighter today, I managed to pull it off and get a perfect score. Unfortunately, my teacher didn't believe that it was possible, and accused me of cheating. Now I may be thrown out of college. FML

#8617932
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36828) - you deserved it (2572)

On 02/24/2010 at 4:28pm - misc - by koolkidx3 - United States (Virginia)



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