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newburton13

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newburton13

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  • Number of visits : 8442
  • Number of comments : 748
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's page activity

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Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, the bartender pulled me aside and told me that she saw my date slip something into my drink. Who was my date? My husband of four years. FML

#8790917
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31367) - you deserved it (2324)

On 03/03/2010 at 12:37am - misc - by holycrap (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while at McDonald's, I saw an 8 year old girl licking a life-size Ronald McDonald sitting on a bench. Being concerned, I told her mother who then yelled at me for 10 minutes for being a "paedophile" and "being turned on by an 8 year old girl." FML

#8781729
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26079) - you deserved it (2541)

On 03/02/2010 at 8:20pm - misc - by JackG - United States (Montana)

Today, I was at the gym with my boyfriend. He is a bit feminine, but it has never really bothered me. Until I realised I was lifting heavier weights than he was. FML

#8742158
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25262) - you deserved it (8406)

On 03/01/2010 at 3:53am - love - by Delilah (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, my boyfriend and I were asleep. Evidently, he was dreaming about being a UFC fighter, because, out of no where, he grabs the back of my head and punches me in the nose. I haven't been able to breathe right out of my nose all day. FML

#8687085
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24944) - you deserved it (2689)

On 02/27/2010 at 11:06am - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, my fiancée and I were selecting our wedding cake. The wedding is now off since I refused to buy her the "dream" wedding cake she wanted because it was chocolate. She called me childish and cheap. I'm highly allergic to chocolate. FML

#8642847
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36651) - you deserved it (3112)

On 02/25/2010 at 4:47pm - misc - by Ringless - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had my final economics exam, and needed to ace it, or else I would fail the entire module. After studying all day yesterday, and pulling an all-nighter today, I managed to pull it off and get a perfect score. Unfortunately, my teacher didn't believe that it was possible, and accused me of cheating. Now I may be thrown out of college. FML

#8617932
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36758) - you deserved it (2567)

On 02/24/2010 at 4:28pm - misc - by koolkidx3 - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had my final economics exam, and needed to ace it, or else I would fail the entire module. After studying all day yesterday, and pulling an all-nighter today, I managed to pull it off and get a perfect score. Unfortunately, my teacher didn't believe that it was possible, and accused me of cheating. Now I may be thrown out of college. FML

#8617932
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36758) - you deserved it (2567)

On 02/24/2010 at 4:28pm - misc - by koolkidx3 - United States (Virginia)

Today, someone gave me a note to pass along to a girl in class. The note had the girl's name surrounded by hearts. When I gave it to her, she assumed it was a love note from me, and said "Not in a million years, fat ass" before I could say it was from someone else. FML

#8568837
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30548) - you deserved it (3060)

On 02/22/2010 at 9:46pm - love - by Crappyfayman (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, a drunk man opened the unlocked door to my house thinking it was his house. He tried to attack me because he thought I was a burglar. FML

#8516806
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27770) - you deserved it (6721)

On 02/21/2010 at 1:05pm - misc - by jerrid - United States (California)

Today, I finished my classwork and my homework early. Since we weren't allowed to leave the room, I decided to draw. My teacher noticed and gave me detention for "goofing off" when I should be doing my work. When I told the teacher I was already done, they gave me a second detention for "attempting to defy them". FML

#8410028
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29911) - you deserved it (2585)

On 02/18/2010 at 3:12pm - misc - by fannylover (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went in to my local cafe for my morning coffee. I was chatting to the barista as she was making it, and I mentioned that I was starting a new diet. She goes, "Oh that's great! I've been sneaking skimmed milk in your coffee for years, I didn't want to say anything..." FML

#8388243
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23204) - you deserved it (5159)

On 02/17/2010 at 9:47pm - health - by Skimilk (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was leaving Wal-Mart with my daughter when a man was speeding the wrong way in the parking lot. To avoid getting hit, I pulled over to the side. He thought I was going the wrong way. He got out cursing and screaming and punched a dent in my hood. FML

#8388229
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24217) - you deserved it (1984)

On 02/17/2010 at 9:46pm - misc - by WTFsalad (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went to the shops with my little sister. We had to walk through the lingerie section of the store to get to another part. My sister then yells at the top of her voice 'stop following me you freak'. I had security escort me out of the store, and got many dirty looks. She thought it was hilarious. FML

#8330425
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27001) - you deserved it (2634)

On 02/16/2010 at 3:18am - misc - by Timv86 (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had an interview for a college. The college is in Rhode Island. I live on the West coast. When I asked the interviewer if they got to the mainland by boat or by some other form of transportation, he told me Rhode Island is not an island. FML

#8324479
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4824) - you deserved it (56613)

On 02/16/2010 at 12:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Why? Because apparently her friends have seen me hanging out with a hot girl, giving her long hugs and making her laugh. That "hot girl" is my sister, who got back from her study abroad a week ago. FML

#8314834
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31524) - you deserved it (2257)

On 02/15/2010 at 9:09pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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