About newbiehere99 : I don't look to people to give me what I already have. My confidence keeps me alive, my faith keeps me moving.
I'm really spontaneous. I'm only on this app for entertainment. I can be funny most of the time, but I also realize I'm not a comedian.
I actually dislike about me boxes -.-
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24510) - you deserved it (2410)
On 12/06/2012 at 9:24am - intimacy - by Dontwaketheneighbors (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was bartending. A guest was getting belligerent so I had to cut him off. He called me a bitch and threw the rest of his drink in my face before storming off. The belligerent asscandle was my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18422) - you deserved it (2956)
On 12/06/2012 at 6:50am - love - by FMyEx - United States (Connecticut)
Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28281) - you deserved it (2714)
On 11/30/2012 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by julia (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, someone very close to me came out of the closet. Normally I would fully support them, had we not just gotten married. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30878) - you deserved it (1654)
On 11/27/2012 at 10:08pm - love - by Bliggins - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, I took a pregnancy test. When I saw that the result was positive, I started crying and showed my mom. She burst out laughing and told me that I had taken an ovulation test. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6737) - you deserved it (27475)
On 11/25/2012 at 10:08am - health - by I'm stupid - United States (Illinois)
Today, my step-mom threw out some of the "boxes of junk" in my room, because apparently, I'm a pack rat. I guess she and everyone else in my family won't be receiving those Christmas presents. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20895) - you deserved it (881)
On 11/25/2012 at 8:28am - money - by WritingWrongs - United States
Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3-year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8800) - you deserved it (22217)
On 11/21/2012 at 8:20pm - kids - by piemasterzim (man) - Canada
Today, I'm in the hospital and it's been 44 hours since I've eaten anything. My doctors won't let me eat and my parents are sitting across the room, eating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16915) - you deserved it (1090)
On 11/20/2012 at 6:25pm - health - by RayneSong - United States (Michigan)
Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9105) - you deserved it (25378)
On 11/20/2012 at 3:43am - intimacy - by kinkicali (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, after I spent two hours trying to teach my girlfriend to play sudoku, she broke up with me, tearfully claiming that I'd made up a fake, imaginary game to make her feel stupid. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25255) - you deserved it (2667)
On 11/18/2012 at 7:13am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, I had to take my little brother to the pool. He acted like a brat the whole time, and when I told him we were leaving, he ran away, slipped, and hit his face on the tile floor. He told my dad and step-mom I punched him. They believed him, and I'm grounded for two months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20138) - you deserved it (999)
On 11/17/2012 at 7:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I sat on my balls while at a restaurant. As I was wincing in pain and readjusting myself, my girlfriend came and sat on my lap. She landed directly on my nuts. After a minute or two, I stood up, only to rack myself once again on the corner of the table. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23638) - you deserved it (4055)
On 11/16/2012 at 4:40am - misc - by mfischer (man) - United States
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24021) - you deserved it (4083)
On 11/12/2012 at 10:10am - health - by poserpilot - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend of three years, whom I recently got engaged to, asked me to take a photo of my mother's boobs while she was sleeping so that he could see what mine would look like when I got older. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20470) - you deserved it (2196)
On 11/12/2012 at 8:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I came back home in tears, and eventually told my dad what was wrong. He immediately excused himself to the living room, where I heard him tell my mom, "She's gone all Taylor Swift again." FML
I agree, your life sucks (184) - you deserved it (6083)
On 11/11/2012 at 5:48pm - love - by notalovestory (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Monday 17 June 2013
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