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motherpuncher's favorite FMLs
by boob sisters / 07/02/2014 at 1:01pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML
by Anonymous / 06/27/2014 at 4:22pm / Spain (Comunidad Valenciana) / Animals
Today, I finally decided to get my five-year-old son a rabbit, so I explained to him how to take care of it. When I'd finished listing all the things he'd have to do, he replied, "That's too complicated... Couldn't we just eat it instead?" FML
by Anonyme / 05/16/2014 at 3:55am / Canada (Quebec) / Animals
by notbrowsingnow / 05/08/2014 at 7:46pm / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 04/30/2014 at 5:51pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML
by god / 04/29/2014 at 2:48pm / United Kingdom (West Lothian) / Miscellaneous
by Ow / 04/18/2014 at 7:09am / United States (Arizona) / Health
by anon / 03/31/2014 at 6:10pm / United States (New York) / Health
by Anonymous / 03/30/2014 at 6:04am / United Kingdom (Havering) / Kids
by sh3lbst3r / 03/14/2014 at 6:59pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML
by Anonymous / 03/10/2014 at 8:26pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML
by Charlie529 / 02/19/2014 at 10:30am / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Health
by tigerisabelle / 02/05/2014 at 10:39pm / Miscellaneous
by honeybunny90 / 12/28/2013 at 3:23am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by zamwow / 12/20/2013 at 6:36pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my bosses words, "Abided by company policy to such an…
- Today, a young woman on the subway asked me to hold her pocket mirror open in front of her. I asked… Today, I picked up my six-year-old son after the karate class I’d signed him up for the holidays.… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was…