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motherpuncher's favorite FMLs
Today, I went out with my best friend to McDonald's for a late night snack. Turns out she lied to me and just used me to pick up the boy she likes so they could go stargazing. I'm now laying beside them as they look at the stars and make out. I just want fries. FML
by emilyparker / 08/31/2014 at 10:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by cat lady / 08/30/2014 at 7:56am / Norway (Rogaland) / Animals
Today, my parents sat me down and told me that I'm adopted. I took it in stride, and reassured them that as far as I'm concerned, they're my true parents. That annoyed them. Apparently the whole thing was a prank for a YouTube video, which I ruined by not crying or freaking out. FML
by hannahka / 08/29/2014 at 2:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML
by humdrummitydrum / 08/19/2014 at 4:46pm / United States / Health
by not a dick-man / 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by kids say the darnedest things / 07/18/2014 at 10:56pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
by Lisa / 07/18/2014 at 4:21pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by justthinkofyourhand / 07/13/2014 at 6:36pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I had to explain to my boss that using a wired connection instead of wifi won't stop his computer from getting viruses. He looked at me, open-mouthed and wide-eyed, like he was a 13-year-old boy and I was a pair of tits. Then he called me clueless and told me to get back to work. FML
by Anonymous / 07/11/2014 at 6:54pm / United States (California) / Work
by Anonymous / 07/11/2014 at 7:03am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by look how totally not racist I am! / 07/10/2014 at 11:32pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my ex told me that she's 3 weeks pregnant with my child. Not only was she on her period when I broke up with her last week, her friend let me know that the positive pregnancy test she showed me was a fake that she'd bought online. FML
by Anonymous / 07/10/2014 at 1:52pm / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died". My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML
by ninnang / 07/09/2014 at 5:37pm / United States (Hawaii) / Work
by notoneatall / 07/06/2014 at 11:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
- Today, for my birthday my boyfriend bought me a sexy outfit to wear for him. At the bottom of the… Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk… Today, I announced my pregnancy to my husband. He responded with, "Well shit, when do these faucets…