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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 23 September 1993 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2546
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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motherpuncher's page activity

Visits<b>stevenJB</b> - the 02/13/2013 at 9:29am<b>bspiper87</b> - the 01/28/2013 at 5:37am

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motherpuncher's favorite FMLs

Today, I took my girlfriend for what I thought would be a romantic horse-drawn carriage ride. We didn't expect the horse to die in the middle of it. FML

by subduedbeast / 10/27/2014 at 2:48pm / United States / Love

Today, there was a laundry basket of my clothes sitting in my room. My dad asked me if they were clean or not. When I said I didn't know, he picked up a piece of my clothing, sniffed it, and said it smelled fine. That piece of clothing just so happened to be my underwear. FML

by socreepedouticanteven / 10/26/2014 at 8:05pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, at my apartment complex, I was carrying a bag of trash up to the dumpster. A guy stopped his car and helped me carry it the rest of the way. I thanked him and he asked me out. I explained that I was married. He grabbed the trash bag and carried it back to my apartment. FML

by mellielynnemily / 10/26/2014 at 6:46pm / United States / Love

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

by soisblueballsdickhead / 10/26/2014 at 10:25am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I went to the police station to find out if the tint on my new car's windshield was too dark. The officer took one look, told me that windshield tints are illegal in California, and ticketed me. So much for being honest. FML

by tanisLX / 10/25/2014 at 5:58pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I ran a hand down my freshly shaven leg to appreciate the smoothness, only to come up with a hand covered in blood. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2014 at 9:32pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, while reading 1984 on the train, a cute guy around my age and I got into a great a discussion about the book. Just when I thought he might ask for my number, he got up, patted me on the head and said it's so nice that kids my age still took interest in real literature. I'm 25. FML

by anonymous / 10/24/2014 at 9:47am / Austria (Wien) / Transportation

Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job, mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML

by Anonymous / 10/23/2014 at 2:43pm / United States / Kids

Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML

by Australian Lifeguard / 10/21/2014 at 11:18pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML

by bye loser / 10/20/2014 at 5:28am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I was skating in the city when I slipped and fractured my arm. As I was lying in pain, a guy walked up to me, frisked my pocket and took my wallet. He then said: "It's nothing personal." FML

by ColdStones / 10/20/2014 at 4:50am / Norway (Hordaland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 7-year-old used the word "crap". When I told her that she mustn't use that word because it's rude, she simply replied, "Mother, you should hear the words I use at school." FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2014 at 4:58pm / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML

by highfive / 10/16/2014 at 9:27pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I got stitches in my breast. I never knew how much they jiggled until every bump on the road made my breast feel like it was on fire. FML

by BoobiePain / 10/15/2014 at 10:33pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Health

Today, as always, I have Tourette's syndrome. It causes me to occasionally make a beeping noise. My boyfriend just figured out that if he beeps back, it makes me beep again. He thinks it's hilarious and won't stop. FML

by Beeper / 10/11/2014 at 3:07pm / United States (Illinois) / Love