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motherpuncher's favorite FMLs
Today, my best friend showed me his New Year's Eve photos. Girls everywhere, booze flowing all over the place and all my friends were there. They still haven't realised that they didn't invite me. We've been friends for seven years. FML
by Mixta / 01/02/2015 at 11:45pm / Love
by cat co-parent / 01/02/2015 at 7:11pm / Australia / Animals
by Anonymous / 01/02/2015 at 5:46pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
Today, I gave feedback on how the store is run at the owners' request, because they don't understand why everyone keeps quitting. I guess they took it personally, because they asked me not to come back. FML
by outofajob / 01/01/2015 at 6:03pm / United States (Utah) / Work
by Proposal Fail / 01/01/2015 at 12:47am / United States (New York) / Love
by HappyNewYearsToMeAndMyCat / 01/01/2015 at 12:25am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to a club to celebrate New Year's Eve. A cute guy came up to me at the bar and asked my name. I thought my 8 year long dry spell was finally about to end. I smiled and said "Chrissy!" He said "That's a whore's name!" and wandered back off into the crowd. FML
by cakestar9 / 12/31/2014 at 2:39pm / Ireland (Clare) / Love
Today, my elderly neighbour told me why my other neighbours don't talk to me. I'm a massage/physical therapist and treat clients, mostly athletes, in my home. My neighbours saw the steady stream of young, buff guys coming to my house and concluded that I'm a gay prostitute. FML
by Anonymous / 12/30/2014 at 10:34pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
by okay17 / 12/29/2014 at 12:00am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a gift-wrapped package in the mail from my racist mother-in-law. She's always hated me, so I thought it was a bit strange. Inside was a squirt gun and a note telling me to take my "black ass" for a walk around a police station with it, followed with a smiley face. FML
by Anonymous / 12/28/2014 at 1:41pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom finally got a Netflix account after months of me begging. When I asked her what the login was, she refused to give it to me. She said, "Netflix will know it's not me and then they'll cancel our account." FML
by idkgiraffes / 12/27/2014 at 10:57pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was rushed to the emergency room in crippling pain, thanks to a very dangerous cluster of cysts on my ovaries that could rupture at any time. My boyfriend took this news as my way of denying him sex and broke up with me for "going to obscene lengths" to emasculate him. FML
by Twysted91 / 12/27/2014 at 10:50pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, I found a hornet's nest in the backyard, so I called my brother over to take a look. He said "Hmm, wonder how fast you can run." then hurled a rock at the nest and sprinted back to the house. I wasn't so fast. I now feel like someone's beaten me half to death with a cactus. FML
by Anonymous / 12/24/2014 at 9:43am / United States (Virginia) / Health
by anonymous / 12/23/2014 at 6:28am / Austria (Wien) / Miscellaneous
by bxjxj / 12/22/2014 at 1:40pm / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, I pooped my pants at work. I have the flu and should have stayed home but my boss said if I… Today, I went to go get the new iPhone from a Verizon store near where I live. After I purchased it… Today, I received a phonecall from my boss telling me that a client at work has worms. Not to worry…