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motherpuncher's favorite FMLs
Today, my mom told me that if I wanted to commit suicide, I should make it seem like a car accident, and not do it in the house, because she would be too embarrassed if people thought she was a bad parent. FML
by WasNotAdopted / 04/28/2015 at 9:26am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by bleue / 04/23/2015 at 8:27am / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Kids
Today, after several sleepless nights full of crying, I went to my university's free help center. After telling the psychologist my problems and asking what to do, he looked at me blankly and said, "Uh, it's not depression, I guess. You should go out more and, like, party some more." FML
by Anonymous / 03/03/2015 at 5:02pm / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Health
by teapotrevolt / 03/02/2015 at 3:40pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Health
by Earplugged / 01/25/2015 at 12:01am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, it's been 3 months since my dog scratched my 9 year old granddaughter after she walked over and repeatedly kicked him. My daughter has disowned me and won't let me see my own grandchildren until I have my companion of 11 years "destroyed". FML
by Anonymous / 01/24/2015 at 1:33pm / Romania (Giurgiu) / Animals
Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML
by nosexforthee / 01/23/2015 at 2:25pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, I found out why I receive random drug tests at work. The safety department was specifically told by my boss to check up on me because I always seem way too cheerful to not be high. I've passed every single test. FML
by Ineedlotsofwater / 01/23/2015 at 11:41am / United States (Washington) / Work
by mdg41 / 01/22/2015 at 12:55pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by zacharynedley / 01/05/2015 at 7:16pm / United States (Maryland) / Work
Today, my mom called me into the living room to say that she had something important to tell me. She then explained how she and my dad had "talked things over" and wanted me to know that they accept me and love me no matter what. Apparently my mom thinks I'm lesbian. I'm not. FML
by Anonymous / 01/05/2015 at 7:16pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love
Today, I learned that my mother has been telling people that I need anger management. I'm not attending anger management, I'm attending therapy to aid in my recovery from abusive relationships. She doesn't understand the difference or why I find it upsetting. FML
by thxmom / 01/04/2015 at 12:25pm / United States (Utah) / Health
Today, I got reprimanded by my boss for saying "It's a stab in the dark, though." According to him, it's a euphemism for anal sex and I was being offensive to a gay colleague, the same one who kept insisting it was no problem. I got written up anyway. FML
by boss stabber / 01/04/2015 at 1:52am / United States (California) / Work
by gothicvamp93 / 01/04/2015 at 1:46am / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, I went into labor and got my husband drive me to the hospital. Instead of staying by my side, he rushed back home for a World of Warcraft raid. His excuse? His friends were counting on him and they'd be pissed if he let them down. FML
by Lady Cuntsnatch of Fallopia / 01/03/2015 at 8:30pm / United States (California) / Health
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…