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Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she's going to maul your face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11841) - you deserved it (20763)
On 11/18/2009 at 4:01pm - animals - by nycplywood (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was at a party where I ate bowl of disgusting snacks because I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. I spent the next twelve hours trying to prevent the world from collapsing into millions of demonic shards, cause apparently that's what a large dose of magic mushrooms does. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14750) - you deserved it (23701)
On 11/14/2009 at 8:37am - misc - by swedishdude (man) - Sweden (Skane Lan)
Today, I went to the pharmacy to purchase a brace for my sprained wrist. My wife and I had recently ran out of KY lotion, so I decided to pick up a bottle while I was there. It didn't occur to me that these two items could be perceived as being related until the cashier began to giggle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19963) - you deserved it (5291)
On 11/13/2009 at 7:57am - misc - by joeheathen (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I woke up at 6:00 am to the sound of somebody laying on their horn outside my apartment. I ran outside to yell at them only to find out it was my car. The horn was shortcircuting. All my neighbors stood on their porch laughing as I repeatedly punched my steering wheel to make it stop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18173) - you deserved it (2610)
On 11/11/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by carsuck (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I told my boyfriend I was afraid he would no longer love me when he returned from basic training. Hoping he would reassure me his feelings wouldn't change and we'd still be together, he replied instead, "Shit happens." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25974) - you deserved it (6648)
On 11/04/2009 at 9:00am - love - by reality_stricken (woman) - Guam
Today, a Milkbone commercial came on TV. At the end of it, they whistle and throw a Milkbone across the screen, prompting my 100lb German Shepherd to leap off the couch and run head on into my new plasma screen TV. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39624) - you deserved it (3777)
On 11/03/2009 at 1:11pm - misc - by doglover (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I went to a family counseling session because my parents are getting a divorce. I told the counselor that I feel guilty because I feel like I caused it. She says that there is no way I could have caused it, that it's my parents' problem when my mom interrupts her to say "Yes she did." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34263) - you deserved it (2436)
On 11/02/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by problemchild (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26991) - you deserved it (5572)
On 10/28/2009 at 4:03am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my boyfriend of five years gave me the silent treatment, refusing to talk to me or do anything more than glare at me during the entire three hour drive we took this morning. Why? Because I slept with his best friend. In his dream last night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52386) - you deserved it (5136)
On 10/27/2009 at 9:27am - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I took my SUV in to get the oil changed, and the tires rotated. They allowed me to stay there, because they said it would only take 30 minutes. So I sit there in the waiting room, and I look through the window only to see my SUV falling off the lift, from 6 feet in the air. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33291) - you deserved it (2890)
On 10/23/2009 at 6:09am - misc - by effmylife (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I told my 13 year old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31941) - you deserved it (6092)
On 10/18/2009 at 10:33pm - kids - by MGZ (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my 5 year old daughter came back from a playdate at her new friend's house. Apparently, while she was there, her friend taught her a new way to get anything she wanted. That would be holding her breath until she passes out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31246) - you deserved it (2193)
On 10/18/2009 at 9:36am - kids - by Pleasebreathe (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I handed out 30 resumes only to find out, after the last resume was handed out, my brother had changed the last sentence of every paragraph to 'I am a massive douche bag.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (29531) - you deserved it (5233)
On 10/18/2009 at 6:52am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I found out that if you let your son install a new shower head, he won't tighten it properly. So when you turn the shower on, it will shoot out at rocket speed, hitting you in the face. Then when you grab the shower handle to prevent yourself falling backwards, you will just rip that out and hit your head again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26068) - you deserved it (4092)
On 10/16/2009 at 10:38pm - misc - by Ndanick1193 (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my "future" wife got drunk in front of my parents, who she was meeting for the first time. She called my dad a piece of shit and told my mom she wants to tear her own eyes out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25379) - you deserved it (3977)
On 10/12/2009 at 10:52am - misc - by shocked (man) - United States (Nebraska)
Friday 24 May 2013
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