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messier

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messier's favorite FMLs

Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML

#21225439
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29838) - you deserved it (3346)

On 07/31/2014 at 1:00am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got into trouble at work because a customer complained about my face tattoo, I don't have a face tattoo but I do have one behind my ear. Nonetheless, I still got written up and had to cover it with a band-aid, which ripped out hair when I took it off. FML

#21225337
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26279) - you deserved it (7651)

On 07/30/2014 at 11:28pm - work - by heatherfeather22 - United States (Iowa)

Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML

#21224768
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32032) - you deserved it (3465)

On 07/30/2014 at 1:04pm - intimacy - by WasntWorthIt - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I spent six hours at the ER. Why? My husband dared our seventeen-year-old son to recreate a 'Jackass' trolley-hedge diving stunt at the local supermarket. What wasn't on my groceries list was a broken arm, fractured wrist, whiplash and cuts and bruises. FML

#21224521
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33617) - you deserved it (3741)

On 07/30/2014 at 4:21am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved him for the first time. The L-word is probably one of the only things I'm scared to say, so what did he do? He stared at me blankly before making a farting noise with his mouth and asking if he could go get Chicken Express for dinner. FML

#21224360
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32576) - you deserved it (3682)

On 07/30/2014 at 12:41am - love - by Humiliated & Heart-Broken - United States (Texas)

Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of class. Thinking I got away with it, I just kept doing my work until some kid across the room says, "I could have done better." FML

#21224311
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29067) - you deserved it (4975)

On 07/29/2014 at 11:49pm - work - by dealtit - United States (Georgia)

Today, I asked my mom why nobody likes me. She reeled off about a dozen reasons. FML

#21223790
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32491) - you deserved it (7556)

On 07/29/2014 at 2:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my husband decided to play a recording of me breaking wind in my sleep to my whole family at the dinner table. To make matters worse, it was a compilation of different noises from over a long period of time. My family was horrified and my husband seemed proud of himself. FML

#21222673
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34003) - you deserved it (3506)

On 07/28/2014 at 12:36am - misc - by blow away - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went back to work after a vacation, only to find out I'll soon be forced to dress up as one of the princesses from Frozen to promote our store. FML

#21221108
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37670) - you deserved it (5508)

On 07/26/2014 at 12:29pm - work - by PrincessPromotion (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I tried fixing my dad's lawnmower after he said, "Girls can't change a lightbulb right, let alone fix a machine." An hour later, when I had the lawnmower running again, he bitched me out for trying to make him "look stupid." He's been sulking and acting pissy ever since. FML

#21218479
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49848) - you deserved it (4275)

On 07/23/2014 at 4:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to make love for the first time. The moment my bra came off, he started hyperventilating to the point of blacking out. So much for that. FML

#21208053
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43731) - you deserved it (4387)

On 07/13/2014 at 4:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Catalonia)

Today, I was taking a shower when the soap began to burn my eyes worse than they've ever burned before. I quickly grabbed whatever cloth I could find to rub my eyes with. My dad's old underwear was the last thing I would expect to find lying near the tub. FML

#21200186
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37613) - you deserved it (5126)

On 07/06/2014 at 1:09am - misc - by x.x (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML

#21192088
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47802) - you deserved it (3496)

On 06/29/2014 at 12:16am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, at my sister's wedding, I went to the very back of the crowd of women waiting to catch the bouquet. Not only did I end up catching it, I was accosted by a crazy chick who ripped it out of my hands, screaming at me in Italian. I later found out she was already engaged. FML

#21187114
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40169) - you deserved it (3451)

On 06/24/2014 at 9:06pm - misc - by sadbuttrue. (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a girl asked me out on a date to some hot springs, about 2 hours away. After a mile hike, the springs were finally in sight. She then slipped and cut her shin open. I had carry her the mile back and drive her the 2 hours to the ER, where her parents, whom I'd never met, were waiting. FML

#21156317
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47613) - you deserved it (4189)

On 05/29/2014 at 7:46pm - love - by jonchavez - United States (Kentucky)



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