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messier

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messier

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messier's favorite FMLs

Today, I grazed my hand over the bottom of my desk's keyboard tray, and found something sticky. I gagged when I realized it was jizz, and I immediately washed my hands and wiped everything. I then checked my browser history, which was full of porn. Thanks, roomie. FML

Today, my school's theater production was canceled. Not because of budget, but because my co-star fell in love with me and asked me out. When I pointedly declined, he refused to act alongside me since it was "awkward." Everyone's blaming me for it. FML

#21498523
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26260) - you deserved it (2666)

On 11/30/2015 at 11:34am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I felt like Cinderella. No, I didn't lose a shoe in public. Nor did I dance with Prince Charming. But I did get a visit from tiny wild mice in my home. FML

#21498518
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20452) - you deserved it (2558)

On 11/30/2015 at 11:07am - animals - by ModernCindy - United Kingdom (Blackpool)

Today, due to the incompetence and apathy of my lab partners, I have to write a 12-page lab paper by myself. A 12 page lab paper about radishes. Radishes. FML

#21498242
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22658) - you deserved it (1825)

On 11/29/2015 at 4:10pm - misc - by quinndulgent - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my dad went to a hardware store to replace the broken shower head in my bathroom. He got the cheapest shower head he could find, and so when I took a shower, the shower head burst out and hit me square in the face. FML

#21497110
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24790) - you deserved it (1996)

On 11/26/2015 at 3:24pm - money - by NoBasement4U - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I realized why "Stay off the grass" signs were all over campus. I cut through the grass on my way to my next class and tripped over a sprinkler head, breaking it off and soaking myself in muddy water. I had to sit through a 4-hour lecture with wet, muddy clothes. FML

#21496891
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11684) - you deserved it (27913)

On 11/26/2015 at 12:35am - misc - by clumsy - United States (Missouri)

Today, when my boss said, "Don't worry, I know all the requirements," she actually meant, "I know nothing, and will scream at you in rage because you cannot psychically divine all the requirements the day before a major holiday when no one is available to talk to you." FML

#21496698
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19645) - you deserved it (1362)

On 11/25/2015 at 3:16pm - work - by Betterthanthis (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my boss forced me to come into work despite having a bad cold. While waiting a table, I violently sneezed and sprayed a child's face with snot. His dad got so pissed that my boss had to pretend to fire me just to calm him down. FML

#21496603
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23941) - you deserved it (2390)

On 11/25/2015 at 8:37am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I pulled an all-nighter to finish rereading my set work for my English exam. I managed to finish earlier than expected and decided to get some sleep. I then promptly slept through my alarm and missed my exam. FML

#21496549
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22087) - you deserved it (4668)

On 11/25/2015 at 1:57am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, after having my tonsils removed, I coughed so hard in my sleep that I woke up spitting blood. Turned out I'd ripped my throat. They had to put me to sleep and cauterize the damaged area. Now I'm in even worse pain than before. FML

#21495350
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23852) - you deserved it (1423)

On 11/21/2015 at 11:54pm - health - by Anonymous -

Today, my deadbeat dad threatened to press charges against me for harassment if I ever contact him again. I've contacted him twice in the last two years, once to tell him he was going to be a grandfather, and once to send him a birthday card from my son. FML

#21495105
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26021) - you deserved it (1611)

On 11/21/2015 at 8:47am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was suffering from acid reflux. I was told that drinking water laced with baking soda would help. Nope, all it did was create a huge belch that made me vomit all over myself. FML

#21488401
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20966) - you deserved it (3418)

On 11/04/2015 at 1:26pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, while working at a wedding reception, I caught a couple getting touchy in the back of the room, but I swept it under the rug. Apparently, they didn't like getting caught, and reported me to my boss, claiming sexual harassment. I now have to attend social sensitivity training once a week. FML

Today, I was telling my coworker that I was considering quitting the shady, 50-shades-of-scum business we work at. He snitched to our boss, who quickly fired me on bullshit charges of incompetence, theft, and workplace bullying. I guess I'm not getting a good reference from him. FML

#21461238
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20856) - you deserved it (5548)

On 08/27/2015 at 4:37am - work - by Anon (man) - United States

Today, after hearing the doctor saying my girlfriend can never be pregnant, I got a bit too excited. I'm currently on the 5th hour of the silent treatment. FML

#21457054
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17939) - you deserved it (39921)

On 08/17/2015 at 4:33am - health - by Anonymous - United States



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