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messier

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messier

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  • Number of visits : 911
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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messier's favorite FMLs

Today, I managed to throw my back out by blowing my nose. FML

#21409404
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24210) - you deserved it (2619)

On 05/13/2015 at 9:57am - health - by Hlaalette (woman) - Belgium

Today, while waitressing, I served a family with a little girl who was wearing a Frozen shirt. I told her I'm friends with Elsa and that she taught me to sing. The girl asked me to sing a song, so I did. Not even 5 seconds in, she started bawling. FML

#21408927
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26891) - you deserved it (10776)

On 05/12/2015 at 12:38pm - kids - by NotAPrincess - United States (California)

Today, my new prescription medicine for my chronic acne did in fact work. It worked by inflaming the skin around my zits so that they blended in. FML

#21408702
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25941) - you deserved it (1772)

On 05/11/2015 at 11:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I stood up in front of the class and dropped my pen. As I bent over to pick it up, a boy in the front row loudly broke wind. I will forever be known as "that teacher who farted". FML

#21408482
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25775) - you deserved it (1969)

On 05/11/2015 at 4:54pm - work - by Becky (woman) - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, I learned I'm claustrophobic by having a raging oh-god-I'm-gonna-fucking-die panic attack while I was stuck inside an MRI scanner. FML

#21408444
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25064) - you deserved it (1988)

On 05/11/2015 at 3:39pm - health - by birchbeer - United States (California)

Today, I wore a pair of shorts a size too big while doing laundry. When I ordered a pizza afterwards and answered the door, I realized I looked a little heavy, so I sucked in my stomach. My shorts fell to the ground in front of the delivery guy. FML

#21408368
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26563) - you deserved it (8688)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:40pm - misc - by oops (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML

#21407637
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29342) - you deserved it (4294)

On 05/10/2015 at 4:40am - love - by gassygirlfriend - United States (Idaho)

Today, my drunk grandma flashed me, after confusing me, a 19 year old girl, for my grandpa. FML

#21407351
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27935) - you deserved it (2075)

On 05/09/2015 at 4:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding at the last moment, because her neurotic sister thinks she's "too fat" to be the maid of honor, and says she needs several months to lose weight. So that's a few thousand dollars wasted. My fiancée says I'm "overreacting" and that I "just don't get it". FML

#21407311
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33224) - you deserved it (2722)

On 05/09/2015 at 3:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I sneezed so hard that my head shot forward and smashed against his, sending his head backwards against the wall. He ended up with a concussion, and I still feel like someone hit me over the head with a chair. FML

#21406759
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25667) - you deserved it (3232)

On 05/08/2015 at 12:46pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I thought it would be funny to fart next to my brother in the car. Apparently, his carsickness is exacerbated by strong smells. I now know what it feels like to have lap full of vomit. FML

#21406695
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13118) - you deserved it (34823)

On 05/08/2015 at 9:51am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my dad drove me to the airport. As I got out of the car, he said, "You better pop that zit on your face, security might think it's a bomb". FML

#21406694
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30492) - you deserved it (2789)

On 05/08/2015 at 9:44am - misc - by brittrus - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I got busted by a cop for having sex in his car. When the cop sent us on our way, we went home and the garage was open, so we called the cops thinking someone was in the home. No one was in the house, and we got the same cop. FML

#21406460
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29437) - you deserved it (7377)

On 05/07/2015 at 10:18pm - intimacy - by Bonnie and Clyde - United States (Texas)

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

#21406233
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31652) - you deserved it (5295)

On 05/07/2015 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by pleasedie - United States (Florida)

Today, the guy I broke up with for not putting any effort into the relationship asked if he could make it up to me by taking me out to lunch. He stood me up. FML

#21400557
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31364) - you deserved it (6203)

On 04/27/2015 at 10:49am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)



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