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messier

Offline (the 11/24/2014 at 4:36am) | Search for a member

messier

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messier's favorite FMLs

Today, I have to deal with being laughed at by my mother and sister, because they keep making sharp movements towards me, causing me to flinch. This is because I got mugged and beaten last night. They think it's hysterical. FML

#21304446
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36555) - you deserved it (2251)

On 11/23/2014 at 12:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I slipped on a wet floor at the supermarket and busted my nose. It wouldn't be as embarrassing if I hadn't missed the "CAUTION: WET FLOOR" sign that I'd put there myself just 30 minutes earlier. FML

#21302796
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26220) - you deserved it (7847)

On 11/20/2014 at 3:45pm - health - by fark (woman) - Ireland

Today, I was stopped behind a pickup truck filled with junk. I told my friend that the person should have secured the junk better, since it looked like it would fall off any minute. My friend assured me it wouldn't. Right after she said that, a large piece of plywood fell off and hit my windshield. FML

#21300434
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27287) - you deserved it (3001)

On 11/16/2014 at 11:17pm - misc - by pickuptruckblues - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML

#21296970
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31049) - you deserved it (2599)

On 11/11/2014 at 1:56pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was supposed to go in for a polygraph test as part of the hiring process to be a cop, but I was so nervous that I couldn't sleep. Finally two hours before the exam, I fell into a deep sleep, so deep that I slept through all my alarms. Worst part: I couldn't lie about sleeping in. FML

#21296003
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32935) - you deserved it (4672)

On 11/10/2014 at 4:10am - work - by Pixel (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend pretended to be reading braille while touching my chest acne. FML

#21295903
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34823) - you deserved it (5575)

On 11/10/2014 at 12:01am - intimacy - by annababyyyy - United States (Maryland)

Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML

#21295420
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37224) - you deserved it (4654)

On 11/09/2014 at 1:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, a character in the video game I was playing called my character a slut. My boyfriend ripped the controller from my hands, shot him dead, then fired the rest of my ammo into his corpse while yelling "FUCK YOU, BUDDY!" Good to know I'm dating a total lunatic. FML

#21293465
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32977) - you deserved it (6409)

On 11/06/2014 at 3:15pm - love - by notsofriendly (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while in a hospital waiting room, a man started talking to me. After a few minutes, he asked me what I did for a living, and I said I'm a stay-at-home mom. He looked me up and down and said, "Huh. No life ambitions, huh?" FML

#21291978
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31267) - you deserved it (6544)

On 11/04/2014 at 2:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I finally got off my lazy ass and start studying for my upcoming exam. It was going pretty well, until my classmate called and after I proudly told him about my sudden motivation, the only thing he had to say was, "You got the date wrong, the exam was on thursday." FML

#21290636
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20243) - you deserved it (23457)

On 11/02/2014 at 4:38pm - work - by demotivator (woman) - Romania (Timis)

Today, I told my boyfriend that it's time for him to stop blaming others and own up to his mistakes. He retorted, "Don't blame me!" FML

#21288212
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27714) - you deserved it (3148)

On 10/30/2014 at 3:25am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I tried approaching this cute girl. She quickly picked up the nearest calculator and started talking into it, in a desperate act to seem busy. FML

#21288185
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31499) - you deserved it (3201)

On 10/30/2014 at 1:38am - love - by 41yearoldvirgin - United States (California)

Today, my dad vehemently refused to let me go on vacation to France with my best friend, because he watched Taken a few months ago and apparently forgot that it's just a movie. FML

#21287659
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31248) - you deserved it (3973)

On 10/29/2014 at 1:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I wanted to spice things up in the bedroom with my husband, so I set up some Halloween torches to create a wild ambiance. Unfortunately our dickhead neighbours saw the glow, didn't remember that fire tends to give off smoke, and called the fire department on us. FML

#21287079
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31903) - you deserved it (6082)

On 10/28/2014 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by BurnedDown (woman) - United Kingdom (East Riding of Yorkshire)

Today, I went to a first aid training course. I had to lie on the floor and pretend I was unconscious. We were supposed to be doing the recovery position, but the guy I was working with decided to perform CPR instead and grope my boobs in the process. FML

#21287010
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31846) - you deserved it (2906)

On 10/28/2014 at 2:35pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom



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