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messier

Offline (the 03/27/2015 at 2:47pm) | Search for a member

messier

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Today, I took the biggest, most excruciatingly painful crap of my life. It was so bad that I couldn't walk straight for a good 20 minutes afterwards. Long enough for my boyfriend to film me limping around and post the clip to Facebook with the caption "#anal ftw ;)". FML

#21379420
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29417) - you deserved it (3530)

On 03/22/2015 at 10:59am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was playing charades with my boyfriend and family. The answer was "Beckoning" so I acted it out with a "come here" gesture. He looked confused for a second, then blurted out "Fingering?" FML

#21378887
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28360) - you deserved it (3407)

On 03/21/2015 at 11:12am - misc - by ajodasdojsad (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, as I was closing up at my sandwich-making job when a huge bus full of basic, snobby, preppy cheerleaders came in. They literally "can't even" decide what they want. FML

Today, during an exam, the guy next to me tried to cheat by looking at my test but was caught by the proctor. His defense was that no one would ever cheat off me. The proctor agreed and allowed him to finish the test. FML

#21376924
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34646) - you deserved it (27)

On 03/18/2015 at 4:37am - misc - by Speechless - United States (California)

Today, my brother wore a T-shirt to my birthday party that said "I dig skinny chicks". I'm a recovering anorexic and told him that I didn't really like his shirt. His response? "Don't let the liberal media brainwash you into thinking it's OK to be fat." FML

#21376642
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32225) - you deserved it (4199)

On 03/17/2015 at 8:18pm - misc - by Idigrespectfulattire (woman) - Trinidad and Tobago (Port-of-Spain)

Today, while driving, I saw someone's hubcap blowing away behind me on the highway. I thought it was funny and sort of chuckled to myself. Later I realized it was my hubcap. FML

#21375160
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16006) - you deserved it (24112)

On 03/15/2015 at 5:12pm - misc - by epicvixen - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my little brother walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex and threatened to tell my parents. I paid him $30 to keep quiet. 15 minutes later he told them. FML

#21335701
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32657) - you deserved it (11801)

On 01/12/2015 at 11:43am - intimacy - by bowler99 - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend told me he didn't feel attractive. I tried to cheer him up by telling him that I find him very attractive, and so do my friends. He said that didn't matter, because my friends and I aren't attractive either. FML

#21333300
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34594) - you deserved it (4005)

On 01/08/2015 at 1:44pm - love - by licensed_ginger (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I finally noticed after months of having the same cover photo on several websites, that it looks like I have a bushel of armpit hair due to a shadow. FML

#21331000
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25688) - you deserved it (4525)

On 01/04/2015 at 11:30pm - misc - by pits (woman) -

Today, while putting a water bottle into the fridge, I suddenly had to sneeze. The force of my sneezing propelled my head against the open fridge door, causing a gushing wound to my forehead. Bless me. FML

#21326529
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27556) - you deserved it (3092)

On 12/29/2014 at 2:11pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, my little sister asked if she could play on my laptop, but I said no because I was writing an essay for school. She then bit herself hard and showed the mark to our parents, saying I did it. As they bitched me out, my sister got on my laptop and deleted my half-finished essay. FML

#21308491
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40647) - you deserved it (2568)

On 11/30/2014 at 12:48am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I have to deal with being laughed at by my mother and sister, because they keep making sharp movements towards me, causing me to flinch. This is because I got mugged and beaten last night. They think it's hysterical. FML

#21304446
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44201) - you deserved it (2753)

On 11/23/2014 at 12:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I slipped on a wet floor at the supermarket and busted my nose. It wouldn't be as embarrassing if I hadn't missed the "CAUTION: WET FLOOR" sign that I'd put there myself just 30 minutes earlier. FML

#21302796
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27696) - you deserved it (8231)

On 11/20/2014 at 3:45pm - health - by fark (woman) - Ireland

Today, I was stopped behind a pickup truck filled with junk. I told my friend that the person should have secured the junk better, since it looked like it would fall off any minute. My friend assured me it wouldn't. Right after she said that, a large piece of plywood fell off and hit my windshield. FML

#21300434
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28867) - you deserved it (3280)

On 11/16/2014 at 11:17pm - misc - by pickuptruckblues - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML

#21296970
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31276) - you deserved it (2603)

On 11/11/2014 at 1:56pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)



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