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meowbearrrr's favorite FMLs
by life insurance for 1 / 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me straight in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid for the rest of the summer. FML
by sumhub94 / 05/14/2013 at 12:48pm / United States / Work
Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by unforgettablee / 04/29/2013 at 3:08am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by ironies a b*tch / 04/13/2013 at 1:04am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
Today, my boyfriend still won't talk to me, after I caused him the "worst embarrassment" of his life in front of his friends. What did I do wrong? I joined their conversation and ended up confusing the fictional characters of Gollum and Yoda with one another. FML
by Anonymous / 03/15/2013 at 8:12pm / France (Centre) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML
by RedWaters / 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/14/2013 at 11:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML
by Denki / 01/30/2013 at 7:21am / China (Beijing) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/23/2013 at 7:17pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Miscellaneous
by Sydney / 01/15/2013 at 6:16pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by screamer / 09/02/2012 at 2:41am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Geckosrock99 / 08/30/2012 at 10:45pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by chunkymonkey / 08/24/2012 at 9:53am / United States / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…